Have you ever had to call or email customer service and felt like you were talking to aliens from another planet? This happens to me all the time! I used to think it was just me. Me, being the problem; that perhaps I wasn’t expressing myself properly or maybe I was leaving out words or important details. Nope. It is NOT me.

Many years ago, we had one of those humungous satellite dishes and hadn’t had a problem with it for years. Then one year, we lost our signal. I called customer service. They directed me to call the installation department, and so I did. After briefly explaining the issue and what I had done to troubleshoot the problem, they transferred my call back to customer service. I hadn’t had the chance to tell them that customer service directed me to them. I explain again to customer service because I was speaking to someone different. They said I needed to call the technical department. They gave me the number and I called. I explained the issues again and this foreign-accented man asked me if the television was on. I’m like, “Um, yes. How else would I know if I was or was not getting a signal?” He guided me through the troubleshooting process even though I explained I had already done that. I followed him through the steps, and then in all of his wisdom he declares, “You need a tech-nee-shan!!” I said, “OMG. Are you serious? That’s why I’m talking to you!” I was so disgusted from spending the last hour on the phone and getting nowhere that I just hung up. Not too long after that, we replaced our humungous satellite dish with a smaller one from Dish.

Another example: I had a credit with a company because they had discontinued something that I had ordered and paid for. I couldn’t find any information on the website or in my account regarding using that credit, so I emailed customer service. I explained that I had a credit coming to me and I asked, “How do I apply that credit to my next order?” I was flabbergasted when the answer I received was how to login to my account. I emailed again stating that logging into my account was not the issue and explained again. This time, I got some other stupid answer that had nothing to do with my issue! After several tries, I sent them a rude and to the point email about how the company needed to hire competent people. It wasn’t long before I received an email from a manager, who apologized and that he didn’t know what the problem was with the two reps but that he knew what I was asking and understood my frustration. He solved my problem and all was well in the world.

Just this week, I was trying to find a certain product that I had purchased many times before on a website because I have a friend interested in said product. This time, I couldn’t find it. Using the search option, the product appeared but when I clicked the link I was taken to an “ERROR 404” page. I emailed the company. I was instructed to call them to place the order. Well, I don’t want to call them because the company is located in the UK, plus I’m not ready to order at the moment. I responded and explained, then asked if they had the item in stock or if they were going to get them back in stock any time soon because I had a friend who was interested in purchasing right now. I also explained again about the “ERROR 404” page. The response back was simply, to use the search option to locate the product. OMG. I was ready to scream. I responded back and got the exact same response but from a different representative. Finally, I blew a gasket. I responded back with, “Will you please direct this email and the entire conversation to someone who reads and comprehends English?!” I also added, “The keyword search from your website sends me to an ERROR 404 page!!! Do you have the product or not? Will you be getting them or NOT? Why is it so hard to get a straight answer????”

It’s like talking to aliens from another planet, I swear. I do not play well with STUPID. It frustrates the hell out of me, and it happens all the damn time! I have even read aloud to other people what I have written and everyone, including my therapist, agrees that I express exactly what the problem is and/or what I need. So, why do people not understand? Does everyone have the wrong freakin’ job or what?

What are some of your experiences? I surely can’t be alone….and don’t call me Shirley.