The Ex-Files – Green Potatoes

Back in the day, CP and I lived in a small, upstairs apartment. I loved that apartment but it would have been better if I had lived alone. You live and you learn, right? Anyway, we were poor and didn’t have a lot of food in the house. We did have potatoes, eggs, flour, and cheese. I decided to make fried potatoes, cheese omelets, and pancakes. I had to make a LOT of food because CP was such a pig.

CP asked if he could do something to help. I thought about it a minute and asked him if he wanted to peel some potatoes for me. He said he would but he never came into the kitchen so I brought him a bowl with 6 large potatoes and a paring knife. We were so poor I didn’t even own a potato peeler! CP sat in his chair and worked on the potatoes while I made the pancakes.

He yelled into the kitchen, “We can’t eat these potatoes!” I ran into the living room and asked, “Why not?” He said, “They’re green.” I told him once you peel them they aren’t green. He pitched a fit explaining that they were still green and therefore poisonous! I told him if they were poisonous he’d be dead already because I always use potatoes that might have a little green on the skin. He was in shock! This was back before the internet so I really had no way of reassuring him that they were safe to eat. They weren’t green all the way through, after all.

I had made a double batch of pancake batter (again, pig in the house) from scratch. I made at least 2 dozen pancakes, if not more! So, I asked CP, “Are you done with the potatoes?” He said, “No.” I was thinking surely he must be almost done because it doesn’t take that long to peel potatoes. I walked into the living room and he had 2 fucking potatoes peeled! I couldn’t believe it! I watched him. He was very carefully cutting the brown peel off the potatoes as to not get any of the potato itself. Unbelievable. When I cut potatoes (remember, we were using a paring knife) I cut the peel off and probably a little potato with it but it was done in just a few minutes with very little waste. I had made a double batch of pancakes and he was only on his 3rd potato! I think he was taking his damned sweet time for spite.

I couldn’t start the omelets until the fried potatoes were nearly done but it must have been an hour (if not longer) before I could start them. I waited and waited and waited.

Finally, he had finished. He informed me that he’d better not get sick. I rinsed the starch and dirt off the potatoes and showed him, “You won’t get sick. Look. They’re white inside. The skin was just a little green.” I even cut one of the potatoes in half, and then in half again and showed him, “White,” I said.

I finally got our omelets and potatoes done and CP barely ate any potatoes. I said, “Good. More for me!” as I shoveled a few more pieces into my plate.


FYI: Green potatoes can be toxic. However, most of the toxin (solanine) accumulates in the skins and the eyes, so once the potato is peeled and eyes plucked out, you’re good to go. If they are green all the way through, you should throw them out!

4 thoughts on “The Ex-Files – Green Potatoes

  1. Cheesus H. Crust!! CP and my ex are definitely one in the same! How the fuck can a man be so stupid that he’s afraid of a semi-green potato, and I do know that when they are green (not like you mention above) but just a bit green they aren’t toxic!

    It’s our fault (back then) that we accepted these idiots, even with questionable intelligence. My stupid ex refused to eat black-eyed peas one New Years day at my moms because (and I quote) “I’m not eating them because they are all burnt on one side” ugh, what a dumbass.

    My aunt (whom I think I get my sarcasm from) sat there and laughed and told him “Oh yeah, they’re all burnt on one side on purpose, so we all could have more” we all busted out laughing. But when we got home he told me he didn’t appreciate being made fun of by my family. I told him, “Well stop being so stupid Mr. Smart Guy” and he didn’t talk to me for days. Which was alright with me, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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