Makin’ A List

The holidays are not what they used to be…at least for me. I used to enjoy the holidays when my kids were small. The joy and wonder, the anticipation was worth all the hassle of decorating, shopping, wrapping gifts and hiding them, etc. It was fun to help the kids make gifts and goodies for Santa! We had our traditions; the cookie baking, the homemade pizzas, popcorn cake, and pizza balls. That was all on Christmas Eve! The kids got to open a gift that night and leave cookies for Santa. We watched Christmas movies and had lots of laughs! I always made a big ham dinner on Christmas Day, along with tons and tons of appetizers that we got full of before we even had dinner! The kids enjoyed all of it and so did I.

The kids got older, became harder to shop for, harder to please. You know, pre-teens and teenagers. They no longer believed in Santa Claus. Ok, so before someone decides to educate me on the true meaning of Christmas, don’t. I’m quite aware. I’m not a religious person but I always taught my kids “the reason for the season.” But that’s not what this post is about.

About 11 years ago, certain events changed the way I thought things would be in our family. On top of that, chronic pain has invaded my every move, my every thought and…my everything. It’s rough. I was able to spend a little time with my son, his wife and the littlest grandson on Christmas Eve and I enjoyed every minute of it but I thought my house would be full of kids’ laughter and play, during the holidays. Depression, loneliness, and sadness always sets in.

I try not to succumb to the depression but it’s hard. I eat too much, don’t sleep enough, and I cry a lot when I’m alone. During the holidays, I try so very hard to hide my sadness and put a smile on my face. I’m not able to do the cooking I used to do. My son made the popcorn cake for Christmas Eve this year but he didn’t have time to make the pizza balls. That’s ok though, we still had pizza; it was frozen pizza but it was still good. I threw a ham in the oven on Christmas Day and opened a can of baked beans, which was fine because it was just me and Dad. Still, not what this post is about.

I bet you’re thinking, “Damn, I wish she’d get to the point!” I’m getting there, I promise.

Every year I try to make myself feel more festive and happy by giving gifts to others. GIVING TO OTHERS makes me feel good about who I am and I love to make gifts. This year, I crocheted over a dozen gifts for family. I carefully chose the yarn color and pattern/design I thought was perfect for each person. I worked my ass off, sometimes ripping out a design that just didn’t look good and starting over. I put my heart and soul into everything I made. It felt good to do it and I’m not sorry I did, but I’ll tell you what…

I’m makin’ a list…

woman s hand using a pen noting on notepad

Photo by Kaboompics .com on

I’m making a list for next year and if anyone wonders why they didn’t get anything from me then maybe they should think about Christmas 2019 when they didn’t even have the common decency to send me a simple text to thank me for their gift. It takes just seconds!! What a bunch of ungrateful shits in my family. And this does not apply to young children. It applies to adults; young adults and older adults.

I didn’t make the gifts for the thanks, just to be clear. But it would be nice to be recognized and appreciated. I busted my ass to get everything finished and shipped in time for Christmas. It really hurts my feelings that only 3 people thought to thank me for their gift. Next year, I’ll be sending my handmade crocheted items to people who might actually appreciate it…perhaps the Nursing Home, a homeless shelter, or the children’s hospital. Maybe I’ll just make scarves for all the homeless dogs and cats in the area!

dog wearing crochet scarf with fringe while sitting on snow selective focus photography

Photo by Benjamin Lehman on

11 thoughts on “Makin’ A List

  1. Oh my friend, I can relate somewhat. My boys are always grateful when I give them gifts for Christmas or birthdays. It’s everyone else that suck monkey balls at being grateful. I use to be the one to plan all my friends birthdays and I’d make sure to get my cousins a little something for theirs. I only have three female cousins I use to keep in touch with.

    But when it came to me and my birthday or whatever, I’d never, NEVER get anything from any of my friends or cousins! So I stopped. I was the only one that went out of my way to remember friends and families birthdays. But it never seemed to be recognized or reciprocated. So I said fuck it! Literally I said that, and I stopped and guess what? Not one of them seemed to even notice!

    I’m like you, I didn’t do it for the recognition, I did it out of love and friendship, out of a sense of being a good friend and family member. My bitch cousins don’t remember me unless they need something and they sure as hell don’t remember my birthday. My circle of friends had been reduced to four, I have four friend now. But that’s all I need, and you are one of them. So do not let this get to you, just cut cord and leave it behind.

    You are a wonderful person and your family should be grateful for the gifts you made. I know I am still grateful for my beautiful blue sweater/shawl you sent me. The one my mom keeps trying to steal, lol. So don’t you dare let them get you down, you are appreciated my friend, you are loved!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • For the previous 2 years, I did birthdays instead of Christmas. I sent small gifts for their birthdays the one year and last year I sent them gifts cards. Either Game Stop cards or Restaurant cards. This year I did Christmas. I can’t recall more than a couple thank yous. Do they remember me on my birthday? Oh, sure. They say Happy Birthday on Facebook but that’s because Fb tells them it’s my birthday. This is the last Christmas I’m doing…and I won’t do birthdays anymore. I will do for my kids and my grandkids and my very good friends who actually appreciate me. Done with the ungrateful shits in my family. I’m really happy you like your shrug!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Like? I LOVE it! I’m wearing it as we speak because it’s freaking butt cold at a cool 36 degrees right now! It’s been a cold winter here and that’s very rare. It even snowed on Christmas, okay it was flurries that melted as soon as they hit the ground but you know it was 27 years since there was snow recorded here. The other night it was so cold I slept in my shawl, it’s that warm, so than you my dear friend! 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰🥰

        Liked by 1 person

          • Omg, are you serious!?! I don’t think I could handle 6 degrees, I’m a Texas girl, use to heat, 86 degree Thanksgivings and stupid people wearing Uggs in the summer, lol. Well there goes my dream of winning the lottery, moving to Michigan and going to every University of Michigan football game. 🥶🤨🤔

            Liked by 1 person

          • Serious as ticks on a cat. Hot and humid summers and ice cold freakin winters here. I’m from Cali so I was used to hot summers but not the humidity. I was used to cold winters but not as cold as 6 degrees or even 30 for that matter! I’ve got used to it though, even though I hate it.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Like thehuntress, I would stop. Actually, I did stop. As my nieces got older and even became young adults, I would give them, and their parents, generous gift cards that they wanted and in return I would get a small gift card and maybe a calendar in return. Finally, I told my sister-in-law that since we were just trading gift cards, it seemed silly. And the same for birthdays. So now I don’t give gifts and it’s been a revelation! Do you know that they still love me? And they are glad to see me at holidays. That might just because they don’t want to spoil a shot at an inheritance, but I’ll pretend it’s not. 😉 Debbie, just stop. If they don’t thank you, then they didn’t care. What an ungrateful bunch! Just know that there are those out here in blogland who love you dearly! Sometimes the family you choose, rather than the ones who share your DNA, cherish you more.

    Liked by 2 people

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