Tag Archives: pronouns

They/Them Pronouns

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By now, many of us have a non-binary loved one or at least know someone who is non-binary. It still seems weird to me, as it probably does to most people. I mean, we are born male or female, right? A non-binary person is one who does not exclusively identify as male or female. It’s hard for me to imagine or understand this, however, who the hell am I to disagree with how anyone identifies? No one has the right to disagree with how someone feels about themselves or how they identify. Even if we don’t understand it. Even if we don’t like it. Even if we think it’s not how God intended things to be. We all need to learn to just back off and let people be who they want to be; let people be who they are. It’s none of our damn business.

My biggest complaint about the non-binary person is that we are expected to use the pronouns they or them instead of he/him or she/her. I think most will agree that it’s difficult to do this because we were taught how to use pronouns as we were growing up. Sometimes it just doesn’t sound right when you’re used to saying, “Does he want a cupcake?” to now say without stumbling over the words, “Do they want a cupcake?” Or is it “Does they want a cupcake?” See, it’s confusing. One way sounds better but at the same time, they is usually used when speaking of more than one person. It could be confusing and we might say it incorrectly.

Anyway, back to my complaint. If the non-binary person expects us to use their preferred pronouns, then I expect in return that they be patient with those of us who find it hard to get used to. Just give us a little slack as we try to relearn what we were taught growing up.

Simple respect and understanding goes both ways.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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The other day, I responded to a photo of the most beautiful cat on Facebook. I said, “He/She is gorgeous!” What I got back was a lecture about how it is appropriate and grammatically correct to use ‘they’ when the sex is unknown. So, I was supposed to say, “They are gorgeous!” That just doesn’t sound right because it was ONE cat. And really, who cares? It’s a cat! The cat doesn’t give a rat’s ass if you call it he, she, or they. It’s not a human! The cat doesn’t care.

Don’t get me wrong about this pronoun business. I am very sensitive to the fact that many nonbinary people identify as they, or perhaps another pronoun altogether. I would never purposely say something insulting to a nonbinary person…however, I would like the same consideration in return. For example, if I use the incorrect pronoun, the nonbinary person should try and understand that a) perhaps I didn’t know or b) that it’s sometimes very confusing. The nonbinary person shouldn’t get their panties in a knot about it. If you don’t celebrate Christmas for whatever reason, do you get all pushed out of shape when someone wishes you a Merry Christmas? It would be stupid and insulting for someone to be a twat about it when they are just being given good wishes and it’s not obvious by looking at someone if they celebrate the holiday or not. The same goes for nonbinary people. You can’t look at someone and know what pronoun they identify as.

Anyway, it just drives me bonkers to be lectured or “educated” by some idiot who doesn’t know me from Adam. There are a lot of idiots on Facebook, let me tell you. It used to be a fun place to hang out and stay connected with friends and family but I’m about fed up with it. You don’t dare comment on a public page without some idiot (or asshole, take your pick of adjectives) responding in a hateful way.

People also fail to realize that when they read something, they may not read it the way the writer intended. What I mean is that text cannot accurately convey tone, emotion, expressions, etc., so it can be easily misinterpreted or misunderstood. It doesn’t help that punctuation is misunderstood or left out completely. It seems that I am always misunderstood. Sometimes I think I must be writing in a foreign language or something!

Well, that’s it for today. I hope you have a stress-free day with no useless conflicts.

aunt-debbie