Tag Archives: Ex Files

The Ex-Files – Up On The Roof Top

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A couple of years before the kids and I left CP, he thought he could get some rent knocked off if he offered to re-shingle the roof of the house we were living in. The landlord, Mr. K, was a very understanding man so we were pretty sure he would go for it, especially since CP had experience in the roofing industry. So he thought. He actually only worked for a year or so for a cousin of his and thought he was a professional after that. Go figure.

My parents rented that house for a while before CP and I lived there. I lived there as well before I ventured out on my own. We lived there for several years before my parents split and then my Dad lived there with my sisters. When my sisters moved out on their own, Dad decided to take a job elsewhere so the house was up for grabs. CP and I jumped at the chance to get in that house and out of our shitty little apartment. Anyway, the roof hadn’t been re-shingled in quite some time and was due for a make-over.

Mr. K agreed to knock off a month’s rent or maybe more, I don’t recall now. Mr. K furnished the materials and CP was to do the work. Well, my Dad came home on the weekends and for holidays so he was there quite often to help with things. (God knows I couldn’t get CP to fix anything in a timely manner, so Dad took care of those things when he came home.) Dad offered to help with the roof, of course. CP was very particular about how it was supposed to be done and he gave Dad detailed instruction so it would be done right. As if Dad was born yesterday and never did anything in his life. Give me a break.

I don’t remember how CP’s brother, Tom, got involved but he came over to help with the roof. CP had to make sure both Tom and my Dad understood how to use a plumb-line because that was the only way to make sure the shingles were on straight. Naturally, CP was such a pro that he, himself did not need to use the plumb-line. While they were all working in the hot sun on the roof, Tom would make wisecracks (all in fun) about how serious CP was and CP was getting pissed. Dad and Tom would chuckle a little and continue working. Tom didn’t let up though. He kept giving CP a hard time about this, that, and the other. Mostly, he gave him shit about why he wasn’t using a plumb-line because his lines weren’t straight! Dad told me later that CP was fuming and his head looked like it would explode. At the end of the day, the job was nearly done and CP told Tom he wouldn’t need any more help.

It’s a good thing it didn’t rain because the roof sat unfinished for several days. I thought to myself, that son of a bitch is going to just leave it unfinished like he does every fucking thing else around here! The next weekend, Dad was back and he decided to finish the roof. Of course, he was respectful and offered CP his services. CP wasn’t too thrilled about it but because he had to work, he gave in. He gave Dad explicit instructions to use the plumb-line so the shingles would be straight. He bitched about half the shingles weren’t properly lined up and he wasn’t referring to what he did himself. Dad was a little aggravated, of course. He told CP that they used the goddam plumb-line so the shingles he and Tom put up were straight. CP insisted that Mr. K was going to be pissed and that he’d have to do the whole roof over again. Dad told him that you can’t even tell from the ground if anything is crooked or not.

Dad finished that job and when CP came home from work, he was already prepared to have to purchase materials and start over on the roof. He wasn’t happy about the expense since this was supposed to help us with the rent. Mr. K came over the next evening after CP came home from work. He went up on the ladder, looked around at the roof, and came back down. He said, “That looks great! Good job!” We got our discount on the rent and guess who took all the credit for such a good job? That good-for-nothing ex of mine, that’s who. He never thanked my Dad or Tom for the help. He never offered any compensation, not that Dad would have taken it, but it would have been a nice gesture.

I still can’t believe I was with that man for 12 freakin’ years! Do you ever just want to kick yourself?

 

The Ex-Files – Sucking The Fun Right Out

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CP had a way of sucking the fun out of everything. That was something he had in common with my mother. To this day, I hate board games and most other games because of her. She would throw temper tantrums, adult style when she was losing. She would accuse people of cheating and throw the board plum off the table! It was unbelievably embarrassing. CP was not the type to throw a temper tantrum like my mother did but he sure knew how to take the fun out of things.

When my daughter was turning 1 year old, I had semi-planned a party and we both agreed that the zoo would be a great place to have it. The problem is, CP wouldn’t take part in the planning. Every time I’d bring up the subject, he would hum-haw around. I ended up planning the party myself. The day of the party came and everyone met at the zoo. CP moped and bitched about this, that and the other all day long. He was perturbed that his weekend off was being gobbled up by unwanted conversations with his brother, and just being there. Some father.

Later on, my good friend and I planned a trip to Marine World. My kids were excited, and CP knew about the idea from the very beginning. He was all on board until he learned he would have to drive us there. We were to take 2 vehicles because there were 4 of us and 6 of them. Boohoo. He also complained that it wasn’t a spontaneous trip. “I don’t like planned trips. Things like that should be spur of the moment,” he bitched. I told him, “You can’t do everything spur of the moment! When you have small kids there’s a lot to consider. You have to make sure you have snacks and drinks for the drive, extra clothing, diapers, wipes, sunscreen, extra shoes…and the list goes on. It takes TIME to prep for a trip no matter how small.” He was just pissed and mumbling shit under his breath. I knew it was going to be a long day….and it was. He moped the entire time. We all walked on eggshells and I was glad to get home that night.

The year we left CP’s stupid ass in California, we had the opportunity to go to Marine World again, a Science Museum, and a HUGE aquarium. At the time, my Dad was living in San Francisco and he wanted to take us to these places. I wanted my kids to see the ocean before we left California, too. The kids were excited but I wasn’t thrilled about CP coming along and ruining the fun, yet again. I made sure to plan the trip for a day CP had to work. He was upset about that and I told him, “Why are you upset? You don’t like planned trips, remember? You just mope and ruin the fun for everyone else. We all end up walking on eggshells when you have to endure a planned trip so it’s your own damn fault you’re being left out.” He was was pissed now. I could see the anger in his eyes and with my eyes, I dared him to fucking start something over this! He kept his trap shut and guzzled a beer down his throat. Coward.

The kids and I went on that trip with my Dad. We saw the ocean and had a blast at Marine World! We got to ride an elephant and watch the dolphins perform. We spent the night at my Dad’s apartment and the next day we went to the Science Museum and Aquarium. The kids were amazed at the sharks swimming above and around us. It scared the shit out of me! We walked on the beach barefoot. My kids collected some shells and we ate hot dogs for lunch. The kids said they wished their “Pop” didn’t have to work but they had a lot of fun. We made some really good memories that day without CP’s sorry ass. I’m glad I was able to shelter them from the effects of their father’s behavior. They had no idea.

The Ex-Files – Child Support

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When we first moved here to SW Missouri, I was on State Aid. When my youngest child started school, I entered the work force. I was on State Aid for about 3 years. After a few months of moving here, I was called in to interview with Child Services regarding the collection of Child Support from my ex. The State of Missouri wanted to recoup what they were sending me each month, rightly so.

A few years later I was sent for another interview in a different town, for the same reason. They hadn’t collected a penny from my ex but not for the reason I thought.

A few years later, I was called in again, in yet a different town for the same damn reason. I asked why, since this was 3rd time I had to go through this process. I was told that there were too many cases and my case had never even been touched. It had been 10 years since we moved out here at that point! This time, the case was handled by a local Family Law attorney. It was handled quite quickly this time but I didn’t know this until one afternoon when the phone rang.

I was outside washing my car when my daughter brought the phone out to me. I asked her who it was and she said, “I don’t know. Some guy.” It was my ex, her father. Imagine a man who supposedly loved his children so much that he couldn’t even say hello to his daughter and ask her how she was, or even tell her who he was! But I digress. He had quite the nerve calling me since I hadn’t heard from him in years. The conversation went something like this:

The first thing out of his mouth was, “You made your point. Can we work something out, please?”

I knew right away who it was and I asked, “What are you talking about?” At this point, I had no idea the state had even caught up to him yet.

“The state of Missouri wants Child Support that I can’t afford. Can we work something out?” He almost begged.

“I didn’t initiate this. The State did. It’s out of my hands. I don’t know what you expect me to do. If you’ve got a court order to pay that amount then making arrangements otherwise isn’t going to negate the order.” I explained.

He emphasized, “I can’t afford to pay this much.” I could almost see his face when he spoke. I had no idea how much the state was asking because I hadn’t even received any paperwork yet.

I told him, “You should have thought about that before…perhaps 10 years ago? If you had been making an effort to support your kids I would have reported that and the amount wouldn’t be so high. Now there are arrears to pay plus regular monthly payments.”

He said, “I’m going to lose my truck and then I won’t be able to get to work.”

“Not my problem,” I snapped.

“It will be when you don’t get your damn Child Support,” he snapped back.

I said, “No, that will still be your problem. Not mine.”

He continued to try to persuade me, “I have two $100,000 Life Insurance policies and the kids are the beneficiaries. I’m going to lose those, too.”

I said, “Still not my problem. You’ve made your own bed here. I can’t do a damn thing about it.” That’s when I hung up.

I know this man well enough to know that he did NOT have any insurance policies of which the kids were the beneficiaries, let alone for $100,000 each. He had accused me so many times about being “all about the money” as he put it. He thought the mention of a high dollar amount would sway me! I have never been one of those women who think only about money! Yes, money was a big problem in our relationship because we didn’t have enough to live! But if I was “all about the money” I would have never even dated him in the first place!

And the fact that he couldn’t afford to pay Child Support was absurd. When I received the paperwork from the state, they had listed his income. He was a truck driver and made good money. When we left him in California, he was making about $900 every 2 weeks and he was making even more at the time of this court order….more than double that amount, in fact. With arrears, the order was for $900some dollars per month. High? Yes, but his own damn fault.

Did he ever pay the Child Support? Well, yes and no.

About 2 or 3 weeks later I received from him, a document that he hired a paralegal to draw up, demanding that I pay for his court costs because he had to go to court in order to get his Child Support reduced to a lesser amount. The legal terms here escape me because it’s been a long time, so forgive the layman speak! I was in total disbelief! How the hell was I supposed to pay his court costs when I wasn’t getting any Child Support? I wasn’t even working at that point because I had started my own home business. I made some calls and was given the mailing address of someone (can’t remember exactly who now) and I sat down and wrote a nice, to the point letter. I explained the situation and said that I had no objections to him receiving a reduced Child Support payment. (I really didn’t want anything from him anyway, so I didn’t care.) I also made sure they knew MY living situation and that I was in no way financially able to pay his court costs.

Not long after that letter went out in the mail, I received a phone call from the person I sent the letter to. She told me, “There’s no judge in his or her right mind who would make you pay for his court costs, so don’t even worry about that.” I was sure glad that was settled!

He had to pay his own court costs and he got his payments reduced to an amount I can’t recall now but he didn’t pay it willingly. His wages were eventually garnished, and I started getting $334 in two payments per month.  He lost his job after a while because “his boss didn’t like the paperwork he had to go through to have wages garnished.” That’s the story his mother told me when she called me. Yep. You read that right. She called on his behalf. I’m sure he put her up to it. That’s the story he gave her. I don’t hold it against her though. He is her son, after all.

 

The Ex-Files – Stymied By The ABC’s

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My ex always tried to make ME look dumb. He questioned everything I said, laughed when I voiced my opinion and made fun of things I said.

One time he laughed and made fun of me for saying the word “worsh” instead of “wash.” I have never in my life said “worsh” so he just heard what he wanted to hear. There was no arguing with him; he was right and I was wrong.

Once I had told him about an “obnoxious boy” in the classroom I worked in. He wanted to know what I meant by “obnoxious” and when I proceeded to tell him, he accused me of making up the word! Again, no arguing with him.

It seemed to be one thing after another. I’ll be damned if I can recall everything at the moment. I learned early on to block things out. I wonder if I hadn’t blocked things out if I would’ve stayed with him as long as I did? But I digress.

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I do remember some of the words CP used and the way he said them, and GOD FORBID if anyone ever corrected him! He thought he was so smart but yet, I doubt he even knew how to use a dictionary or thesaurus. Actually, I don’t know if he even knew how to alphabetize. I remember telling him about a 5th grade boy I had been working with who was having a hard time mastering alphabetical order. I was trying to find an easy way to help him better understand. CP said, “It isn’t rocket science, so what was is it he doesn’t get?” I went on to explain that the boy understood how but it was groups of words that started with the same letter that had him stymied. (OMG another word I had to explain the meaning of and yet another word I was accused of making up!) “What do you mean, starts with the same letter?” CP asked. I ended up having to explain what I meant and he had some words of wisdom that I can’t recall but it was obvious to me that he had no idea what I was talking about. (Where the hell do we find these mentally and intellectually dysfunctional men, anyway?)

CP often used words that had silent letters which HE pronounced. Case in point: Miscellaneous – which he pronounced with a “k” in place of the letter “c”. I mentioned to him once that the “c” was silent and he insisted it was not and that I should look it up in the dictionary. I would have if we had had a dictionary in the house at that time. He knew we didn’t have one so, there ya go. 

I’m not perfect and I’m sure I make spelling and grammar errors, but I make a conscious effort to do it right. I use Grammarly for such things but it doesn’t always catch everything. I certainly don’t use words when speaking unless I know how to pronounce them and what they mean. I try. I admit when I’m wrong. Him? Not a chance.

There were so many words CP pronounced incorrectly or just plain didn’t use properly. Let me give you a list of some of the words I can remember and the way he pronounced them:

  • Miscellaneous – misKellaneous
  • Muscle – musKle (Seriously!)
  • Scissors – sKizzors (I kid you not!)
  • Equipment – equipTment (Because “equipped” sounds like it has a “t” in it?)
  • Athlete – athelete (extra syllable)
  • Escape – eXcape
  • Etcetera – eXcetera
  • Height – heighTH
  • Regardless – irregardless (The “ir” is redundant.)
  • Library – libary (Little kids often say this word incorrectly – they’re just kids!)
  • Pronunciation – proNOUNciation
  • Supposedly – supposably (A real word but does not mean the same thing as “supposedly.”)
  • Scenario – sKenario
  • Subtle – suBtle (He pronounces the “B”)
  • Discipline – disKipline
  • Oscillate – osKillate
  • Scintillating – sKintillating

Over the years CP and I were together I would learn of many words he didn’t know the meaning of such as oblivion, quintessential, ogle, peevish, finagle, and faux pas, to name but a few.

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Boy, Grammarly left all kinds of red marks all over this list! Haha! CP sure as hell shouldn’t have been making fun of me or questioning MY grammar or pronunciation! Do you know someone who pronounces or uses words incorrectly? Wouldn’t you just love to kick them?

The Ex-Files – Father’s Day Brunch

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When my daughter started Kindergarten, I was thrilled because she was lucky enough to have been placed in the class with the best teacher she could have had. Her name was Mrs. Hummel if I remember correctly. She was fantastic! She showed a genuine love for the kids and made every day a day full of fun and a lot of learning! SR was excited to go to school every single day!

In May that year, Mrs. Hummel arranged a fabulous Mother’s Day Tea Party and all the kids made special invitations for their moms. SR was so excited about it, that’s all she could talk about. All the kids made their moms paper mache wide-brimmed hats with pretty pink paper and artificial flowers adorned each one. We had tea and cake and the kids sang songs and gave their moms special cards for Mother’s Day. It was a beautiful day of appreciation. I still have that pink, wide-brimmed hat, too! I packed it carefully in a big box and had it shipped to Missouri when we left California.

In June, the kids (with the help of that wonderful Mrs. Hummel) planned a Father’s Day Brunch for all their fathers. I knew what was going to happen however and didn’t look forward to the event, not one little bit. The kids decorated ball caps with fabric paint. Honestly, I don’t recall much about that day except that it did not turn out as it should have.

SR was excited for her “Pop” to come to her classroom for the Father’s Day Brunch. I had made sure to tell CP about it and marked it on the calendar. Of course, he said, “I may not be able to get off work.” And I told him, “That’s why I’m telling your 3 weeks in advance. That way you can request the day off. SR is so excited about it and you need to make sure you go.” He said he would try and then went off to work. Every 4 days or so, I reminded CP about the Father’s Day Brunch. He ignored me as if I was annoying him or nagging him. It was important but he didn’t give a shit, obviously.

CP never said anything about getting the day off. I stopped mentioning it because I knew no matter what he wasn’t going to show up. The morning of the brunch, SR was jumping up and down and just couldn’t contain her excitement. I felt awful for her. I walked her to school and pulled Mrs. Hummel to the side and told her that if SR’s father didn’t show up, and if SR wanted to, to please have her call me and I would come to fill in. I didn’t want her to feel bad and be the only one there without someone. Just as I expected, I got a phone call and I headed off to the school.

I was so angry and hurt for my daughter that day. She didn’t seem to mind that it was mom and not Pop there that day. But I minded. He should have at least tried. After all that, my daughter still wanted her Pop to have the ball cap she made for him.

I was so angry, I didn’t speak to him for days, but I doubt he even noticed. What kind of a loser lets his child down like that? A rat bastard, that’s the kind.