Tag Archives: elderly

Shut In and Shut Out

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When my sister leaves, I’m on my own. That’s not a bad thing necessarily because I’ve always been on my own. I’ve always had to do things on my own. The problem is that I can’t expect Dad to go with me every time I need to go somewhere, and I don’t feel good about leaving him at home, alone.

Now that Walmart is offering “home delivery” in my area (out in the middle of nowhere), I don’t even have to do “curbside” orders anymore. That really helps because it will save money on gas, wear and tear on the car will be minimal, and we don’t have to leave the house.

There are other places I will need to go, such as the Dollar Tree, the local grocery store, clinic for appointments, vet’s office, and perhaps to the hairdresser’s for a much-needed haircut. I have no desire to go anywhere to socialize, so I guess I’m good.

I think we are basically what they refer to as shut-ins. I’m disabled, Dad is elderly, and we rarely leave the house. It’s depressing. I try not to fixate on the issue because it just makes things worse. When we do go out, we’ll have to do one thing at a time. No more doing all errands in one trip to save gas. It’s too much for Dad. On Wednesday, we went out, and it really sucked the life out of him. We went to the Dollar Tree where he insisted he’d walk, then the grocery store for just a handful of items. Again, he insisted he would walk. We then stopped at the pharmacy and the liquor store, both of which had drive-thrus. On to have lunch at one of our favorite places, Vaccaro’s Pizza and Pasta. The next day, Dad was still exhausted. It wasn’t until yesterday that he felt more himself.

So, shut-ins we are. I got to thinking about it, and we are basically shut out, as well. We don’t see relatives who are close enough to visit. We aren’t invited to birthday parties, even though we probably wouldn’t go. An invite would be nice, nonetheless. It would show that they are at least thinking of us. We have both lost touch with friends. Friends who have jobs or take care of their grandkids. Friends who have lives, unlike ours. Ever since I became disabled and Dad became elderly…I don’t even know when that happened…we have drifted away. Anyway, we are shut out of many things.

Things are going to change for us soon. I mean, we may still be shut in and shut out, but we will be moving to the new house. Move-in day is still up in the air, but I can see the end of the tunnel now. My sister will come back to stay, unless she changes her mind. I think I’ve driven her a bit crazy with my bitchiness, but that’s another post.

Until next time,

S.R.M.

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Stark.

Raving.

Mad.

Stark Raving Mad: informal, meaning completely insane.

Yes, I am going stark raving mad. I know. I signed up for this. Dad will be 88 years old in February of 2025. I get it. I expected things would be a bit nuts as he got older but holy bat shit, Robin! 

Some days are better than others. Some days there are no issues at all. Today? Ugh. Today is one of those days where you just want to pull your damn hair out and scream. 

It started first thing this morning. I just woke up and I saw on my weather app that we are supposed to have thunderstorms on Tuesday. I told Dad that I hope I don’t lose our internet/wifi (we have a satellite phone) because I am expecting an important phone call from the SSA regarding my SSI benefit. I’d just hate to have to call them back – you know how it is. They leave you on hold for 40 minutes before they actually get to you and then they end up transferring your call to another department, and so on. Anyway, Dad said he hoped for no storms as well because he might miss his call from the Husqvarna folks regarding his mower. They are supposed to call before they come out to pick it up for repairs. I reminded Dad of what he told me last week. He said that he told them if they can’t get ahold of us then to just come pick it up. He said he never told me that. He told me what they said about calling before coming. I told him that yes, he told me that but he also told me that he told them if they couldn’t get ahold of us then to just come pick it up. He argued with me until I just dropped it. I try not to get that “I’m right and you’re wrong” attitude because there have been times that I have been wrong, but he always does this to me about so many things! I can tell him he already saw a certain movie and he’ll argue that he didn’t and swear up and down that he did not. He actually gets pissed off! So, I just let him watch the damn movie over again. No big deal but then about 30 minutes into the damn movie he tells me that I was right. He did see that movie afterall. Ugh.

Anyway, after lunch we had the same discussion we had last week. Dad had an appointment with his Cardiologist who happens to be Japanese with an accent that is hard to understand unless you concentrate very hard. When Dad came out from his appointment, he told me that the doctor wants him to take acidophilus to help lower his blood pressure. I’m look at him dumbfounded and I tell him that can’t be right because acidophilus is a probiotic and it’s for your gut. Good grief. He argued with me. It was listed on his printout. The next thing on the printout was Amlodapine (sp?) which he already takes so then we assumed that the doctor was just going to give him another script to take another dose at a different time during the day. But there was no explanation on the printout and Dad said the doctor didn’t say anything about that. I’m sure this doctor is a good one but there’s always so much confusion – and I’m not sure if it’s the doctor’s accent, or my Dad, or both.

A day after his appointment, Dad gets an email from Humana telling him that his new script for Isosorbide Mononitrate ER was being processed. Why the fuck didn’t the Cardiologist’s office put that on the printout like they did the acidophilus? You’d think anything new would be put on the list with any new instructions but I guess that’s just too much to ask. We had both forgotten about the Isosorbide Mononitrate ER today, but eventually I remembered and then he argued that he never got anything from Humana about any new medication! Holy balls. Anyway, we got it all straightened out but what’s next? 

My brain is exhausted all the time. I not only have to deal with my pain and mobility issues, which are constantly in my brain, right there (pointing to my forehead) not letting me forget, as if I could, but I have to keep up with Dad and his meds and his this, that, and the other thing. And he wonders why I stay up until 1am every night. I need those hours (3 to be exact) after he goes to bed, so that I can relax, recharge, and dump all of the shit from my brain into the atmosphere. Lol. Otherwise, I won’t sleep. During those hours I don’t have to worry about him because he’s in bed. I don’t have to be on high alert. He has a pee can in his room so he doesn’t get out of bed. I don’t have to worry about him falling down or bumping his head or spilling something…or some…thing… 

Wish me luck!

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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The last 3 months have been awful. It all started just before Thanksgiving when I did a few chores to get ready for guests.

I’m not kidding myself about this crappy house. I know that no matter what I do, the house will still look like ass, as my sister would say. But there were a few things that needed to be done and if I don’t do it then who will? One of those things was the cat litter box that needed to be dumped, cleaned, disinfected, and refilled. I use clumping litter so it lasts a long time but I always push it because it kills me to clean it out.

So, I did the dirty deed of cat litter duty and proceeded to fuck up my lower back, resulting in a pinched nerve. The pain in my spine was minimal but my legs (mostly my left leg) began to fall asleep all the time, while I was standing or walking! If I was on my feet for too long, then it would start to burn like hell.

I went to see my NP, who is kind of on my shit list at the moment (more on that later), and she gave me a steroid injection. It helped tremendously but only for about 24 hours. She told me to come back for another injection, which helped but not as much as the first. I’ve been patiently waiting for the inflammation to go down. My NP said it may take some time and here I am still having issues with my left leg falling asleep. I will see her this week if I can get in. I’ve been putting it off.

My NP is a great person and she seems to know what she’s doing. She treats me like I’m human and not some reject from one of Rob Zombie’s horror flicks. She’s easy to talk to and seems to really care. My problem with her is that she lies on my records, or at least it appears that she lies. I’m not sure if the person transcribing my records has made the error or if my NP has truly lied. I went to the online patient portal to see my records from my last visit and I was truly shocked and pissed off at what I found. In my records she states, “patient declined weight loss medication,” “patient declined referral to dietitian/nutritionist,” “patient refused referral to orthopedist,” and “patient refused referral for pain management.” She also said when speaking of lymphedema therapy (as I had a few years ago), that I said “they can’t do anything more for me.” These things were all regarding my last visit and none are true! None of those things were ever offered and we never spoke of lymphedema at all since I had the therapy a few years ago. I mean, good grief!! Now I think I may have to find another provider but holy crap I have yet to see a doctor that I like and doesn’t 1) treat me like I’m stupid, 2) fat shame me, 3) act like he/she can’t be bothered with my questions, or 4) doesn’t do anything to help (probably because of my insurance). I’m up shit creek with no paddle to whack the hell out of anyone.

Other shit going on includes our kitchen sink drain being clogged. I have tried several different products and nothing works. We literally cannot use the kitchen sink because the drain won’t…DRAIN. Ugh. My son has other things going on and I guess we aren’t important enough for him to come help. Dad won’t call a fucking plumber and we can’t continue washing dishes in the bathroom because lugging the washtub full of dishes to the bathtub is a royal pain in the ass. Dad fell doing that and broke half the dishes we had just washed! We use paper plates when we can and that helps but this shit is getting old. Hell, it’s past old now. If I were able-bodied I would have gone out to the ditch with the auger and unplugged the damn drain myself a long time ago! Dad can’t do it any easier than I can because if he falls out there and can’t get up on his own, I can’t get out there to help him. He said he’s going to have to try, anyway.

Dad’s falls are becoming more frequent. He fell off the recumbent bike twice because he fell asleep while he was sitting on it. He wasn’t using it, just sitting. He hit the side of his eye on the handlebar and still has a black eye. That made 3 falls (including the dish-breaking incident) in just as many days. Two of those falls were in the same day.

We haven’t had hot water in the washing machine for over a month. The spigots got filled with debris (how the hell that happens, I don’t know) and my son replaced the cold water spigot but then the other wouldn’t work, so we had to get a replacement part for that. Dad said he could do that himself but he just got around to it yesterday. I now have hot water in the washing machine! Hot diggety damn! I haven’t washed kitchen towels, cleaning rags, or bath towels all this time because I needed the hot water. Good thing we have lots of towels and rags! Now I have a ton of washing to get caught up on. Ugh.

I’m trying to stay in good spirits…and the spirits in the alcohol cabinet are looking pretty good! Seriously though, it’s hard to stay positive, especially with my pain and mobility issues. The other problems would be easier to deal with without those issues. I’m told all the time how strong I am. I don’t feel very strong. In fact, I break down at least once a day. Still, I keep going. Who’s going to take care of Dad if I don’t? I thought that at this stage of my life, I’d have family around. Boy, was I wrong.