“I’m Just Ugly”

I told this story on my Facebook page tonight. I can’t believe how little things turn into something so hilarious!

Dad and I went to Chili’s for lunch today. We had only been seated for about 10 minutes before a few ladies came in and sat behind us. The thing is, one of the ladies peered down at me as she passed as if I had my clothes on backward or something. I had to do a quick check!

Anyway, the same lady got up to use the restroom and on her way back she did the same thing! I looked down at my shirt, thinking maybe I had salsa dripped down the front of me or something. Nothing there. Dad noticed too. I thought maybe she thought she knew me….

Shortly after, I got up to use the restroom. When I came back, there she was with that peering look again! I asked Dad, “Geez. Do I have slop all over my face? Are my clothes wonky? Do I stink?” He said, “No, you’re just ugly.” “Thanks, Dad,” I said. Then we just laughed our butts off. I hope the snotty lady was bothered by our laughter.

Lol. Filing this under #ShitMyDadSays

“Aurora”

Have you ever felt like a total dweeb because of your phone? Or some other electronic device? Perhaps you have an app that drives you nuts or makes you feel stupid?

I had an appointment yesterday and when it was over it was after 1 pm and Dad and I were famished. We were headed to a restaurant we had never eaten at before. I would have Googled it ahead of time, but my therapist had recommended it as my appointment was ending. It was called Texas Roadhouse.

I brought it up on Google maps on my phone and pressed “start” to activate Google’s voice assistance, whom I call “Aurora.” This voice doesn’t have a name at all, unlike Apple’s Siri, Microsoft’s Cortana and Amazon’s Alexa. She’s known only as Assistant. She has no identity. How sad is that? Anyway, I named her “Aurora.” By the end of this search for the restaurant, I was ready to punch “Aurora” in the face!

I proceeded as directed by “Aurora.” Now the exact instructions she gave may be off, but you’ll get the gist.

“Continue on US 160 and take the MO-13 S exit.” 

Done. Easy enough.

“Proceed to left turn lane and turn left onto S. Campbell Ave.”

Done. Ok. This isn’t too difficult. Yay!

“Make a U-turn at El Camino Alto.”

Crap. A U-turn? Why didn’t we just get off the freeway further down, I wondered. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about a U-turn. Ok. U-turn made.

“In 600 feet, turn right onto W. Cardinal.”

Wait. What? What street? Didn’t see any street called Cardinal. Obviously, I missed it.

“Make a U-turn at Republic Road.” What she really meant was, “Now you have to turn around and try again, dummy.”

Ok. Aurora is directing me to turn around. Let’s try this again. Ok, back to the U-turn at El Camino Alto.

“In 600 feet, turn right onto W. Cardinal.” What she really meant was, “Let’s try this again, dumb ass.”

Crap. Where’s the road? There it is but I’m in the wrong lane. Too much traffic. Missed it again.

“Make a U-turn at Republic Road.” What she really meant was, “Are you freaking stupid? You missed it again!”

Here we go again. Got it. Back to that U-turn at El Camino Alto.

“In 600 feet, turn right onto W. Cardinal.” What she really meant was, “Don’t miss it this time you idiot!”

Yeah, yeah. Got it this time. CRAP. Argh!! This road is the freeway! Grrr…… What the heck is going on? Now that I’m back on the freeway, we see the sign for the restaurant. Ok. Now I have an idea where it is, maybe I can find it without “Aurora.” Tried my best to get over there, still kept getting in the wrong place. At this point, “Aurora” is telling to go here or go there, but I am ignoring her. I can hear her screaming at me, “ARE YOU DEAF? You gigantic dweeb!” Of course, she’s not really screaming at me or calling me names, but boy howdy, I bet she was thinking it!

I finally ended up back on the original road and U-turn. Let’s try this again. Before we got to the U-turn, we noticed there IS a road that we missed, but in our defense, it actually looked like a drive way to the Subway located there and the road sign was hard to see.

Ah-ha!!! Made the U-turn, made that right hand turn onto W. Cardinal and we were on our way. Good thing, because we were starving!! There’s the restaurant!! Yay! Pulled up and parked. We wondered why there were no cars in the lot…. Then we read the sign. Dammit! It’s one of those places that open only for dinner: 4 pm to 10 pm. Seriously? It was only 2 pm! Crap. All that work for nothing.

We were just going to go back to the area of town we were familiar with to find a place to eat when we noticed FD’s Grillhouse not too far from the Texas Roadhouse. Sounds like a plan!! It was actually open! Yay!

We both decided on a shrimp platter, mine with batter fried shrimp and Dad’s with grilled shrimp. We both got a baked potato. I had cole slaw and Dad had broccoli. I was so parched I drank 3 glasses of iced tea! Dad had his Merlot. I hate wine. It stinks and tastes awful. I almost had a beer, but I was too thirsty.

When our meal came, it was just in the nick of time! I think my stomach was ready to eat itself. The food was great! The baked potato could have been much hotter but the shrimp was delicious!

I’m glad “Aurora” was no longer ‘with’ us. I don’t think I could stand her judgmental little thoughts (imagined by only me) throughout lunch. Whew! What a day!

 

 

A Ray, A Sparkle & Perfectness

Amidst all of the political BS and devastation due to hurricanes and fires, I have to set my mind to a more positive channel. I HAVE to. The awful things that happen to people consume me. The political shit storm of opinions and uninformed comments consume me. By consume I mean that I am overwhelmed with a multitude of feelings such as a profound sadness and helplessness for people who are experiencing such losses and an intense desire to put my fist through the face of an idiot who hasn’t taken the time to research anything before forming an opinion. 

Sometimes I am so overloaded with sadness, rage, empathy, concern, sorrow….that I need to unplug from the world. I have decreased the amount of time I’m spending on social media and doing other things like reading, writing, doing word puzzles to keep my brain sharp, making a holiday shopping list, crafting, crocheting, doing a few extra chores, and making lists of things I need to do, recipes I want to try, ingredients I need to buy, and the like. I wish I could do more, but chronic pain and mobility issues play a big part in deciding what I do each day. 

I think I watch less television, but when the other person in the household has to watch all day long (and sometimes the same exact news repeated numerous times throughout the day) it’s rather hard to get away from. I do retreat to my room for large chunks of the day to unwind, nap or just write.

There have been a few things this week that have made me smile and forget about the YUCK of life. There’s one particular thing that stands out from this past week.

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My grand daughter called me the other day. It was nice to hear her little 8-year-old voice. I have missed her a LOT! It’s been 2 months since her last visit. We have made some plans for a visit week after next, but nothing is set in stone as yet. I look forward to seeing her. She makes me laugh and I love her hugs! She’s got to be the most considerate and helpful child on the planet; another reason she’s so easy to love! Her overnight stays are the best! We have a little bedtime rhyme we have shared since she was just a little bitty thing and it goes like this:

“I love you little,

I love you big,

I love you like a little pig.”

We always get a little chuckle out of it and I cherish these special moments. Another special moment I get to witness is when she and her (Great) Grampa are watching SpongeBob SquarePants together. All I can do is grin from ear to ear when they’re laughing their heads off! Too bad the other 2 grandkids don’t get to enjoy these special times with him too. 

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So, there’s a little bright sparkle of goodness, a ray of sunshine, a pocketful of perfectness that is my little Doodle Bug coming for a visit soon!!  Boy, do I need that visit!

There Is Always Something To Be Grateful For

I am trying to be a bit more positive this week. Last week kind of threw me for a loop! It was rough. I’d like to take some time to write about a few of the things I am grateful for…. There’s always something to be grateful for; no matter how bad it is, no matter the struggles.

 

  1. I’m grateful for my Dad. He’s not just my Dad; he’s my best friend and “partner in crime!” He’s 80 years old and in pretty good health. He’s in better shape than I am!
  2. Over the weekend, one of my furbabies had a problem that led me to believe I was going to have to make that final decision. This morning, she was back to her old self. Still 15 years old and nearing the end of her life, but I am grateful that this week I won’t have to say goodbye.
  3. I am grateful for the good night’s sleep I got last night. It was refreshing. It doesn’t happen often!
  4. I am grateful for the skill to crochet. It helps my hands not freeze up from arthritis. I am working on a poncho for my cousin this week.

 

I think I will start writing at least one thing I am grateful for each day. It helps to be positive. It helps to be grateful. It helps to look forward and smile. What are you grateful for tonight?

 

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A Few Things That Ticked Me Off This Week

This week has been a real PIA. I had to go out every stinkin’ day except for Wednesday. It gets tiresome and when you have chronic pain and mobility issues it can be exhausting. Any kind of aggravation is exhausting. I try not to let things bother me but good grief….I’m only human.

To the lady in the waiting room who didn’t like that I earmarked the page in my book to keep my place for next time: None of your business! It’s MY book! Doesn’t belong to the library. Doesn’t belong to you. Doesn’t belong to anyone but ME. I bought the book used with my own money. STFU and leave me alone.

People in waiting rooms who think you’re interested in their life story. Seriously, I care that you are healthy and happy but I have my own problems to contemplate while waiting to see my doctor. Please just be quiet.

People who answer their cell phone in public and then speak so loud that everyone in the restaurant can hear about brother John’s sermon or Aunt Nancy’s colonoscopy. Just be quiet man!

Signal lights on vehicles that don’t work. If I have to abide by the law and keep my vehicle in proper working order, then so do you! Fix your damn signal lights!

Vehicles that only have one license plate, in front. Guess what? This state (Missouri) is a 2 plate state. Get that second plate on your truck or car. If I have to abide by the law then by golly, you should too!

That confounded Confederate flag. Give me a break. It doesn’t matter which view you take on this; the Confederate flag is divisive. Period. Has no place in today’s society. No more than the Nazi flag does. Just get rid of it and shush.

These little fruit flies or gnats….whatever they are….flying around my face continually. They try to land in my food. They try to get in my eyes. They try to get up my nose. They are really bad this year and it’s driving me nuts. I will be so glad when Winter gets here so the bugs go away, if for no other reason. Spiders too. The best thing about Winter is that the spiders hide away in a crack or crevice and out of sight.

It’s been a pretty aggravating week. I’m hoping the new week brings a bit more smiles and relaxation. I could use some laughs. Instead, I get inundated with other people’s stupidity.

I know there are still good people left in this world. That was evident when we were offered help with our flat tire on Friday. We didn’t ask for help. It was offered and it was just plain nice. I’m hoping my next post can be more positive! Something along the lines of….The Things That Made Me Laugh Today!