Is It Just Me?

Am I the only one who thinks that keeping a coffee can (previously used as a pee can) under the kitchen sink to collect used cooking oil is disgusting and unsanitary, even if the oil is going to be thrown out?

Am I the only one who thinks that the kitchen sink should be scoured and disinfected after the toilet plunger was used in it?

Am I living with morons or rednecks? What is wrong with these people?

For anyone interested in why the coffee can was used as a pee can: My 72 year old father had a hernia operation and could barely move for a couple days……

Loss of Self Identity

Many years ago, when I was unfortunate enough to get involved with my children’s father, my mother kept telling me “Don’t lose your own identity.” Of course, being young and naive PLUS not wanting to admit my mother just might know what she was talking about, I just ignored the comment. I didn’t even know what the heck she meant by that until later in my life.

I always tried to instill in my children to think for themselves, to be self-sufficient and to stand up for what they believe in. I taught them that what they have to say is important. I taught them to respect others for their thoughts and what they believe. I taught them to be responsible for their own actions. I thought I did a pretty good job until recently.

My daughter, S.R., who is 8 months pregnant with J.’s 5th child – yes, I said 5th – always maintained that she doesn’t want or need anyone to take care of her. She was adamant that she can take care of herself! When I have suggested in the past that she try to get on some kind of aid, she refused because she didn’t want to make things more difficult for J….. (Awww, poor baby. He has 4 little girls with another woman [his wife] that he has to take care of. Waaaaa! Waaaaa! Someone call a Waaaaa-mbulance!) She maintains that she can take care of herself. Well, that IS the way I raised her.

This morning her tune changed. She made a comment about ‘when she quits work soon’ to have the baby, due Oct. 29. I told her that if I were in her position, I would apply for cash aid and food stamps so she can sustain herself until she gets back to work. She quickly said to me, “NO. That’s what J. is for!” I said to her, “You cannot depend on him or anyone else to take care of you and that baby. You need to look out for yourself.” She immediately clammed up and never said another word. I was in such shock that I just left the room for fear I would say something to make matters worse.

Yes, he should step up and take care of her and that baby. He should be coming by to spend time with S.R., but is he? NO. He hasn’t bought anything for that baby. Hell, I’ll bet my last dollar that he hasn’t even been looking for a job! The last S.R. saw him was when he and his buddies hauled the camper off after the storm! She believes everything he says. She believes that he is out looking for a job. She believes he is going to find them a place to live. She believes that he is going to be there for her. He should be, but that doesn’t mean he will be! And he sure hasn’t shown that he is trying.

I sit here now, wondering what the heck happened? She went from a strong willed, opinionated and an independent thinker, to this naive little follower. I don’t know what happened. I’m afraid she is losing her own identity, like I did so many years ago. Take it from me, once lost, it’s a long journey to find your way back to you.

Conflicted….

I’m sitting here tonight, thinking about an old friend who contacted me this afternoon. A friend whom I have been hurt by before…..

She and I always had a lot in common BUT yet we are so different. Different is good, right?

It would be nice to reconnect; have a friend nearby to confide in, share my thoughts with, laugh with, cry with, get pissed off with. But I just don’t know if we can be friends again. It can never be like it was before. Or can it? I just don’t know if I can trust her…..

I don’t like to play games in any kind of relationship. If I say or do something to hurt someone’s feelings or make them mad, I expect them to be honest and tell me about it. I do not appreciate mind games, because when I realize what is going on, I lash out. I confront. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. When she denies, denies, denies……I sever all ties.

How many chances should one give a friendship? This will be the third time for this friend and I. I have a weary heart and I don’t know if I have it in me to do it all over again.

Finally……

The phone rang this morning and woke me up. I didn’t sleep well last night so I was a bit annoyed. Turned out to be the Drs. office with an appointment for C.F. to see an orthopedic surgeon. Honestly, I never expected to hear back from them which is why I made an appointment with another Dr. to get a referral. I figured it would probably be quicker. Now I have to cancel it. But that’s ok because he now has the appointment he has needed since the 5th of this month. He’ll finally get the medical attention I’ve been trying to get for him for the last 11 days. Problem is the appointment isn’t until the 22nd!

The Fractured Hand

I was on my computer last Friday afternoon, trying to get some work done. I was a day behind due to the fact that I had to take my daughter to her Drs. appointment on Thursday. Both of the kids (adult kids, that is) were home that day. My son was suppose to work that evening so he was killing some time. I think he watched a movie and played some video games. You know, typical young male activities.

I heard a commotion in the living room and I was due for a break anyway, so I decided to go see what all the ruckus was about. My son was laughing his ass off! My daughter was cracking up, too.

I asked, “What’s going on?”

C.F. says to me calmly, “You don’t want to know.”

I asked, “What did you do?”

He replies, “You don’t want to know.”

I asked, “Did you hurt yourself?” (Remembering the dirt bike incident here and how scared I was that something may have happened to him.)

He held his right hand up and there it was. He broke his freakin’ hand. Immediately my hands went up to my face in shock…. fear…. worry…. well, I don’t know what it was.

I said, “I have to take you to the hospital.”

He agrees, “YES, you do!” All the while laughing like a nutcase.

Apparently, he knocked down a little shelf in his room. This shelf holds a few of his model cars that he worked so hard on. The shelf fell, and everything on it hit the floor. C.F. was mad that this happened and then he punched the wall! He has punched the wall before and left a hole. No injury to himself, thank goodness. This time, there were 2 little knuckle marks on the wall but no hole. He hit the stud this time. I think he may have learned a lesson.

I took him to the ER at the hospital I thought was the best choice. It was closest for one thing, but I didn’t like the other choice. The hospital I chose was in Arkansas, not too far from where we live in Missouri. Now my son has Missouri Medicaid and I always assumed this hospital accepted Medicaid. Turns out the hospital itself DOES accept Medicaid but the Drs. do not accept Missouri Medicaid, specifically.

Great. Now C.F. will get a bill from every freakin’ Dr. that even looked at him cross-eyed that day.

Well, a lot of good it did for me to take him to the emergency room. They looked him over, x-rayed and splinted his hand, wrapped it up and put it in a sling. They gave him a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon and a script for vicoden and sent us on our way.

This being Friday, I couldn’t contact the surgeon until Monday morning.

On Monday morning I called the surgeon’s office.

“Hello. Dr. Moore’s office. Can I help you?” She sounded very nice.”

“Yes,” I said. “Does Dr. Moore accept Missouri Medicaid?”

She said, “No, I’m sorry he doesn’t.”

I explained the situation to her. I asked if I needed a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon.

She said, “Oh, No Ma’am. The only reason Dr. Moore was referred is because he was the surgeon on call that night.”

When I got off the phone, I got to thinking. If he was on call that night then why didn’t they call him to look at C.F.’s hand? It would have saved us a lot of grief.

I called a few other surgeons in Missouri — I was told I needed a referral BUT they didn’t have any openings at all for a couple weeks. One said none until next month. So, I figured I’d take C.F. to a different Dr. and get a new referral. I thought that having the Dr. make the calls we would get an appointment much sooner.

Boy! Was I wrong! It has been 6 days since C.F. fractured his hand and we are still waiting for an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon! It’s a good thing he’s not in a lot of pain! I don’t know what to do at this point. I have been calling the Dr’s. office, consistently since Tuesday morning trying to light a fire under them. They say they’re still working on it. What do I have to do to get my child medical attention? Since it has been this long, the bone has probably started to heal which means it will have to be rebroken in order to set it correctly.

I understand the surgeons are probably booked up but don’t they leave emergency spots open for emergencies?? Of course, this is hardly an emergency but he does need medical attention!

C.F. can’t do anything. He is bored to death. He can’t go to work. He can’t play his guitar, which is his life, he can’t play video games or even use the computer comfortably.

After all is said and done….if it ever gets done that is………I think he may have learned a lesson.