Tag Archives: identity

Accepting Others For Who They Are

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It shouldn’t be hard to do. We are all human. We all want the same things in life; love, happiness, acceptance, excitement, success, and the list goes on.

I always wondered how I would feel if one of my children came out as gay or transgender. I had no clue how things would change and it was worrisome. I knew I would still love them, of course, but had no idea if life as we knew it would change into something unfamiliar. In the world we live in today, it’s not hard to imagine the danger and hatred someone coming out might experience.

My children are not gay or transgender, but a very close family member has just come out as transgender, whom I will refer to as X. I can only hope everyone has been accepting and non-judgemental towards X; from what I have seen I think it’s been quite positive. X has family and friends who have been very supportive. I can’t imagine the difficulties this young person must have gone through, and how magnified that would have been without the support of friends and family!

In 2015 there were 21 transgender deaths. In 2016, 23 deaths were reported. Last year, 25 transgender deaths in this country! If that’s not bad enough, these people, THESE HUMAN BEINGS, were killed by acquaintances or partners, and some by total strangers! Over 2/3 of homicide victims are transgender women. Oh, and transgender people of color are 6 times more likely to experience police violence.

I don’t know about you, but this is unacceptable. We are all human beings. Some are thin, some are fat. Some have long hair, some are bald. Some are blond, some are brunette. Some are white, some are black. Some are gay, some are straight. Some are transgender. Get over it. These people have rights, just as anyone else. They are not animals and shouldn’t be treated as such.

How would you feel if it were your child? Your niece or nephew? Your cousin? If you would denounce them, then you don’t deserve them! Accept them for who they are. Treat them as you always did. Love them unconditionally.

Why should it be any different? Family is family. A true friend stands by a friend no matter what. Be supportive. Be kind.

It may take some time getting used to, and you may mess up pronouns and/or use the wrong name. It may even be a bit uncomfortable, but LEARN to ACCEPT and LOVE everyone for who they are.

Aunt Debbie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loss of Self Identity

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Many years ago, when I was unfortunate enough to get involved with my children’s father, my mother kept telling me “Don’t lose your own identity.” Of course, being young and naive PLUS not wanting to admit my mother just might know what she was talking about, I just ignored the comment. I didn’t even know what the heck she meant by that until later in my life.

I always tried to instill in my children to think for themselves, to be self-sufficient and to stand up for what they believe in. I taught them that what they have to say is important. I taught them to respect others for their thoughts and what they believe. I taught them to be responsible for their own actions. I thought I did a pretty good job until recently.

My daughter, S.R., who is 8 months pregnant with J.’s 5th child – yes, I said 5th – always maintained that she doesn’t want or need anyone to take care of her. She was adamant that she can take care of herself! When I have suggested in the past that she try to get on some kind of aid, she refused because she didn’t want to make things more difficult for J….. (Awww, poor baby. He has 4 little girls with another woman [his wife] that he has to take care of. Waaaaa! Waaaaa! Someone call a Waaaaa-mbulance!) She maintains that she can take care of herself. Well, that IS the way I raised her.

This morning her tune changed. She made a comment about ‘when she quits work soon’ to have the baby, due Oct. 29. I told her that if I were in her position, I would apply for cash aid and food stamps so she can sustain herself until she gets back to work. She quickly said to me, “NO. That’s what J. is for!” I said to her, “You cannot depend on him or anyone else to take care of you and that baby. You need to look out for yourself.” She immediately clammed up and never said another word. I was in such shock that I just left the room for fear I would say something to make matters worse.

Yes, he should step up and take care of her and that baby. He should be coming by to spend time with S.R., but is he? NO. He hasn’t bought anything for that baby. Hell, I’ll bet my last dollar that he hasn’t even been looking for a job! The last S.R. saw him was when he and his buddies hauled the camper off after the storm! She believes everything he says. She believes that he is out looking for a job. She believes he is going to find them a place to live. She believes that he is going to be there for her. He should be, but that doesn’t mean he will be! And he sure hasn’t shown that he is trying.

I sit here now, wondering what the heck happened? She went from a strong willed, opinionated and an independent thinker, to this naive little follower. I don’t know what happened. I’m afraid she is losing her own identity, like I did so many years ago. Take it from me, once lost, it’s a long journey to find your way back to you.