Stress, Pain, and Loneliness

I’ve been extremely stressed this past week. I don’t know whether I’m comin’ or goin’, as they say. If you’ve been reading my blog then you know I struggle with pain and mobility issues and that I am looking after my 86 year old Dad. I seriously need a break.

There seems to always be some kind of disagreement, or friction between Dad and I. He always remembers things differently than I do. I’m not sayng he’s always wrong; sometimes he is right. There’s always something he doesn’t understand, or something he forgets, and once in a while he forgets HOW to do something. He’s very unsteady on his feet and he hasn’t fallen in quite some time but I feel like I can’t leave him home alone for longer than it takes me to see my NP for a script renewal. I should get a nanny cam so I can keep an eye on him just so I can go have lunch with a friend once in a while. I can’t even remember the last time I was out without Dad.

Anyway, it wouldn’t be so stressful if I had some help. All of my family is in Tennessee and I am NOT moving to TN! My son is 15 miles from us. Yes, you read that right. He is 15 miles from us and I have not heard from him in just over 2 months. I’ve not seen him since Christmas and he hasn’t even bothered to text me. I know he’s busy with his own family and his own life but it only takes a few seconds to type out a quick “how are you?” once in a while. I don’t think I’ve been this hurt in a long time. Dad asked me if I had texted him in the last couple of months. No, I have not. When I do text the boy, it takes him sometimes days before he responds. Why would I even bother?

It’s a seriously lonely time in my life. Anyone who is responsible for looking after an elderly parent will feel the same way. It is lonely and stressful to carry it all by yourself. God forbid if Dad is ever diagnosed with dementia. He’s not that bad yet. He has his moments but mostly he knows what’s going on and basically takes care of himself. He just needs to be watched and reminded of certain things. I signed on for this but at the time, I had no way of knowing that I would be disabled and struggling myself come show time.

So, what do I do? I bitch a little, cry a little, and then I suck it up. I do what I have to do and in the evenings just to destress I do jigsaw puzzles, diamond paintings, blogging and journaling. I’ve taken on a new hobby: paint-by-number! A friend suggested it and I thought I’d be so clumsy I’d have paint all over the place but so far, so good! I’m thinking of latch hook and embroidery, too! While I do those things to destress, I listen to my audiobooks. I like the fictional detective/police/PI stories the best. I’ve ‘read’ some very entertaining/engrossing stories! It keeps my mind busy with something besides my troubles.

It’s time for me to get moving. It will take me a couple of hours to cook something for lunch (it sucks being disabled) and if I don’t fix something Dad won’t eat. Today on the menu: Chicken Fajita Salad Bowls. Wish me luck and thanks for reading my blog!

6 thoughts on “Stress, Pain, and Loneliness

  1. Oh my friend, I’m sorry your feeling this way. I completely understand what your going through with dad. Although my brother lives, he ACTUALLY LIVES with my mom. He’s no help whatsoever. I live about 35 miles from her house and have to drive there every Saturday to see whats been going on in her life the last week. She tells me she’s good. She has caretakers to look after her during the day. But she says all my brother does is drink and stay in his room, ugh. It is a lot of stress and yes we signed on for this, but there are other things we can do. I mean I work so I have that distraction and my mom is like your dad, she hasn’t got dementia and chances are if they (both of them) haven’t gotten it by now they never will. It’s just the aging of the mind, they are still sharp in many aspects. Hell my mom still drives and that scares the hell out of me!! But I’m glad you have your distractions, it helps keep you from goin crazy. I wish I lived closer, we could have some Mudslides and laugh and laugh until we passed out! LMAO. Stay strong my dear friend, and I’m here if you ever need to talk 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • I remember you telling me about your brother. Why don’t they kick him out? Crazy! I’m glad you check in on your parents. My dad can still drive but he prefers not to. That’s good because his driving scares the crap out of me! Lol. Mudslides with you, my friend, would be awesome!! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • My mom doesn’t kick him out because she enables his behavior. She’s always saying how he doesn’t help but then lends him her car when his truck isn’t working, which is often. That’s they way he’s been all his life, ugh. Yep Mudslides and some good Mexican food and we’d be set!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Caregiving is incredibly difficult. I had some help with errands from my sister, but for the most part it was me and eventually members of the Home Instead staff helping out (but it is not cheap) because, like you, I am disabled and needed to get to doctor appointments. I know it is not much comfort, but you ARE doing a wonderful thing taking care of him. Hang tough my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

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