Dad and I went out this morning. We did a little shopping and had lunch at one of our favorite places. The air was cold but the wind was biting.

We stopped at a Dollar Tree, not because we’re cheap, but because they have some good stuff in there for just $1! I mean, why pay $3 or $4 for a damn greeting card when the Dollar Tree has a large assortment for just $1? Oh and some of them are 2 for $1. So there. Anyway, we had to park what seemed like a mile away and that’s always rough on me since I walk with a cane – and slowly. So, Dad gets to the door first and he’s waiting for me so he can open the door. He’s a gentleman still, even at age 80. So he’s standing there waiting for me and this woman comes barreling out of the store, pushing the door open like she was going to push someone off a cliff! I mean WHAM! She nearly hit Dad in the face with the door and she’s damn lucky she didn’t. He managed to jump back just in time. There could have been a small child there, or someone disabled like me standing in the line of fire. She could have seriously injured someone! She never even looked to see if someone was coming in nor did she even realize what she did – no apologies, no nothing. Ugh.

We stopped at the restaurant next. The food was good, as always. Service was a little slow but they were pretty busy, no big deal. When we left, I started feeling a rumbling in my stomach. I didn’t think much of it as I had a surgery some time ago for a herniated stomach, which means that I am not able to belch efficiently. So I get gassy quicker and more often than most people. On top of that, I eat way too fast (because I hate cold food) and swallow too much air, making me even gassier. Ha! I know, TMI. Anyway, nothing out of the ordinary really. The drive to get home is about 50 minutes. We weren’t 10 minutes out of town and I realized…. Uh oh. I may have a problem. 

The gas is building so I asked Dad to fish out my gas relief tablets from my purse. He did and I took 3 with hopes that it would settle things a bit.

Nope. No such luck. The drive was the most uncomfortable drive! My stomach was cramping up and I hoped that what I thought would happen, wouldn’t.

A few minutes later, still no relief. I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me. The drive seemed to go from 50 minutes long to 150 minutes! I didn’t think we’d ever get home. Would I make it? I sure hoped so.

10 miles to go. My stomach is still cramping and I’m afraid I’m not going to make it!

6 more miles to go. Not gonna make it, I thought.

4 miles more….. OMG! Not gonna make it! 

We turned onto our road and it started to happen.

OMG! I told Dad to hurry and get the front door unlocked because I had to make a mad dash for the toilet…..but remember I’m walking with a cane, and very slowly so the mad dash was more of a turtle’s walk.

OMG. Didn’t make it.

Hence the title of this post.