Tag Archives: friendships

Bye-Bye 2024

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7

Another year is ending, and one is beginning. I’m sitting here today, thinking of what I have accomplished this year. I started feeling disappointed and discouraged because I felt like I’d done absolutely nothing! Mostly because someone had made me feel like I was just wasting time, using excuses to not do anything. But then…

I realized someone else’s unkind and judgemental words were stuck in my mind. A person who was supposed to be understanding, non-judgmental, and kind had tried to make me feel like I was lazy; that I should be doing what she thought I should be able to do. I shook my head and said, “NO!” Maybe I haven’t gone hiking, run a marathon, or climbed a mountain. She hasn’t done any of those things either. I haven’t taken a class, earned a degree, or started a new job. She hasn’t done any of those things either. She has the use of her legs; I have limited mobility in mine. She hasn’t done much of anything this year, either.

I started thinking about the things I have done this year and they may not be BIG things, they may not even be important or on anyone else’s list, but they are still accomplishments. Some are bigger than others, and some are small but even little things count, right?

  1. I managed to keep Dad out of the hospital for another year. He’s going on 88 now so that’s important.
  2. I got Dad through a very stressful financial uncertainty.
  3. I managed to get Dad up off the floor numerous times this year. He escaped major injury, thank goodness.
  4. I survived a fall myself. It could have been catastrophic, as Dad’s could have been.
  5. I finished writing my cookbook after many years and had it published.
  6. I have learned to prioritize myself and Dad when others expect more from me than I can give. Boundaries are important.
  7. I have worked on my mental strength and I am stronger now than I have ever been.
  8. I saved money for higher-priced items that I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to buy.
  9. I have learned new crochet skills and have applied them to projects.
  10. I have finished 12 crocheted blankets, 3 scarves, 8 beanies, 4 pairs of fingerless gloves, 2 tote bags, and 6 sets of 4 coasters.
  11. I have learned a lesson in friendship. I will never apply the label “best friends” to any friendship because it has never ended well in the past.
  12. I have taken an online course in self-publishing in hopes of making my next book (3rd one) the best one yet.
  13. I found things I could do that align with bringing me closer to my values.
  14. I have started working with plastic canvas and learning the amazing things that can be created.
  15. I have completed 4 years of bullet journaling.

This list would be completely different if I had full mobility in my legs. I do what I can do. Since I can’t do things that involve the use of my legs, I do what I can do with my hands and my mind. Simple as that.

So, my friends. Don’t let anyone make you feel that you’ve accomplished nothing this year. No matter your circumstances, you have accomplished many things. It doesn’t matter what some judgemental, thoughtless person says.

Say goodbye to 2024 and welcome 2025 with a smile on your face!

aunt-debbie

C’est La Vie…

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10

Another one bites the dust, as they say. I’ve had to let another friend go. Was it my fault? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fault lies with both.

Do I push people away? Yes, I suppose I do but I prefer to say, “I let them go,” because I’m not the only one doing the pushing. I don’t always say something to them because it’s subtle and I know the person is just trying to help.

First of all, with no real understanding of my pain and its cause, people have a tendency to want to help. They offer advice and remedies; perhaps supplements, or exercises. I get tired of trying to explain. It’s not like I haven’t tried nearly everything under the sun and within my budget and ability, to help myself. Nothing helps because it’s severe bone and joint damage/pain I suffer from. Nothing is going to help except for knee replacements. That’s an entirely different post.

I get tired of disagreeing with people. People who bring up the same things in conversation, knowing full well that I disagree. It’s like they are looking for an argument. Then they make me feel as though I can’t question what they have said. I think it’s healthy to question things and if you can’t disagree with someone, what the hell is the point?

I don’t like filtering everything I say all the time. I watch what I say when I’m in public or when it’s someone I don’t l know well, but constantly having to worry about what to say or how I should say it, makes it hard to have a discussion without tension.

I’m not a negative person but I have bad days, some worse than others. Some people don’t recognize that I’m more a realist than anything else. I prefer to see things as they are, not how I want them to be. That doesn’t make me a negative person but there I was being told how negative I was all the time.

Having a gift (my cookbook) declined with, “I don’t want it,” is hurtful. No matter how nicely you put it.

Sometimes, I feel provoked. Knowing perfectly well how I feel about YouTube “information” for example, but still trying to push it at me like it’s fact drives me insane! My bad for not stopping it as soon as it started.

When I reach a certain point, I start to lash out. Then, when the other person lashes out, I fall back into the “everything is my fault” mindset, that stems from my 12 years in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. So, I apologize. I try to explain. I apologize again. Afterward, I’m left with more anger because I realize that I was being baited in the first place. Baiting denied, of course. But it was like being pulled back into routine manipulation, as I experienced so long ago. Not doing that again, for anyone.

I guess that’s why my circle is small. When I’m with other friends, my mood is elevated and I feel less stress. Things are positive and fun, relaxing. I don’t feel exhausted afterward.

So, the end is the end. I feel sad but I feel peace at the same time. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m heartbroken to have ended a friendship, but at the same time I feel peace in knowing that I won’t have potential conflict and disagreement slapping me in the face anymore.

C’est la vie.

aunt-debbie