The Ex-Files – Finding My Own Place

So, I was dating CP and my mother seemed to like him, especially since he got me out of the house. I really don’t think she liked me being around. I don’t know why. I wasn’t a pain in the ass. That was NOT sarcasm. I kept to myself and didn’t bother her. She taught me well. I truly was not a pain in the ass. 

Anyway, CP rarely had any money…..probably due to the fact that he couldn’t hold down a steady job for one reason or another. He once had a job at the newspaper office delivering papers and after just a few short weeks, he crashed one of their vehicles. He said it wasn’t his fault; that it was raining and the vehicle slid into a parked car. He was most likely driving too fast when this happened but to hear him talk, he wasn’t doing anything wrong at all. I heard several different versions of the same story from him and needless to say, he got fired.

When we went out we rarely did anything fun. We usually went to his uncle’s house or hung out with the cousins. This could be fun, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the family! We occasionally went out to eat. Places like McDonald’s or Burger King, Subway or mooching at the uncle’s house were common eating spots. We went miniature golfing once for my birthday. It was fun I suppose, but I would have rather gone to the movies or something. We went to the drag races a few times, which I grew to enjoy. There was just something empowering about watching “The First Lady of Drag Racing” Ms. Shirley Muldowney, race that dragster for a quarter mile!

Eventually, after saving money from my job and cashing in a life insurance policy, I moved out on my own at the ripe old age of 20. Of course, my mother was all too happy to help! She helped me screen neighborhoods and apartments, and went with me to meet with landlords and check out potential apartments. When I decided which place I liked and signed the contract, Mom took me shopping to help me pick out the things I would need; things like cleaning supplies, soap, towels, washcloths, paper towels, toilet tissue, dishes, etc. She helped me get my phone (pre-cell phone era), electric and gas turned on. She helped me move my bedroom furniture into my new place, which was the only room in my new apartment that wasn’t already furnished.

Finally! A place of my own! I was now free to eat when I wanted, cook when I wanted, clean when I wanted. I could go out and not have to explain myself to anyone. I could go to bed at 3 in the freakin’ morning if I liked. Time for me to be an adult and I was all too happy to take on that responsibility!

My mom called me one day after I got home from work and told me CP was hanging out across the street from her house, in the park and barefooted. What the heck? He was moping she said, head hung low, looking like he had lost his best friend. Turns out he was jealous that I had a place of my own – still not sure why he was at the park across the street from her house. He had been living with his uncle up until then. Turns out the uncle kicked his ass out.

So, what did I do? I let him move in with me. I felt sorry for him, not having a place to stay. In retrospect, it was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. I’m pretty sure that’s what he had planned all along. He didn’t have a job, so the burden fell on me. He said, “I’ll get a job!” Well, he got a job with his uncle. They painted the exteriors of new homes and while he brought in some good cash for each job completed, the jobs were not steady, especially in the winter.

Relationships are equal parts

To Be Continued……

This is the second installment of a series. If you missed the first installment it can be found here: The Break-Up & The Concert

The Ex-Files – The Break-Up & The Concert

I’ve decided to begin a series of installments entitled “The Ex-Files” which will be all about my ex. From this point on, he will be addressed as CP.

I met CP when I was dating his cousin LM. I should have listened to all the negative talk about CP during that time but I didn’t. He was married with a kid, he was a deadbeat dad, he always took the credit for things he didn’t do, he exaggerated the truth all the time, he was lazy, he was nit-picky worse than any woman….so many things that I didn’t listen to.

My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.

After my break up with LM, I was devastated. He was my first love and I was just 17-18 years old. I was heartbroken! My mother was tired of me moping around the house (I was off work for the summer) so she sent me on a Greyhound bus to stay with my grandmother for a couple of weeks. It helped because I met a few new people and I realized it wasn’t the end of the world.

When I returned home, I was still sad but I realized I was more upset about the Italian family that treated me as their family and I loved that. I never felt like I was a part of anything and they made me feel like I belonged. I loved them. I still love them. It was just sad to me that because I was no longer dating LM that I had also lost his family; his aunts and uncles, cousins, sisters, brother….

Fast forward a few weeks and almost time for me to go back to work. (I worked for the school district at that time.) I was trying to figure out how I was going to spend the rest of my summer when LM’s cousin CP called me. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers were going to be at the State Fair and he wanted me to go with him. I thought, “Heck, why not?” Of course, I was still living at home and out of respect had to seek permission from my parents. Mom was eager for me to go out again but I think she was thinking more along the lines of getting rid of me, lol. Not murder, but just getting me out of the house.

The State Fair was great, Tom Petty was awesome, and to top it off Stevie Nicks pulled up behind the stage in a long white limo! She got out of the limo in one of her beautiful gypsy-style dresses and came onto the stage! I always loved her style! She sang the duet, Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around with Tom and it was magical! It was a great show and I honestly don’t recall anything other than the concert.

We started seeing each other after that and I freakin’ knew better! In retrospect, I think I was excited to get the family back! It was awkward at first, going to see them all. I’m pretty sure they thought there must be something wrong with me to be dating CP!

I was really happy to have the family back but now I realize that what I really wanted (what I really, truly needed) was to be accepted for who I was and to not be treated as though I was stupid or couldn’t think for myself. My mother was sweet when other people were around, but when it was just her and us kids she wasn’t the same. It was rough living under the same roof as someone who acted like they were disappointed in me and seemed to never accept me for who I was. So, when I had the chance to move out I DID….

To Be Continued in the next installment of The Ex-Files…