Category Archives: Humor

A Random Memory

Posted on by
3

When I was living in California there was a commercial made by a local used car salesman. His name was Cal Worthington. His commercials were low budget and a favorite of my daughter’s when she was about 4 or 5.

My memory is fading a bit on the lyrics but they were different every time except for the part that repeated at the end “Go see Cal, Go see Cal, Go see Cal.” Every commercial, ol’ Cal Worthington would have a different animal. The introduction was “Here’s Cal Worthington and his dog Spot.” Spot would be a bear, a horse, a tiger, a monkey…anything he could get he’d use in his commercials. One time he had a hippo. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my daughter thought he was saying “horsey cow” when he was actually saying “Go see Cal” and this misunderstanding led to something quite amusing!

When I found out about her little misunderstanding we were at the zoo. The hippo was very visible; you could really get a good look at how big this animal really is. To our surprise, my daughter bursts out “Lookie, horsey cow, horsey cow, horsey cow!” At that moment I knew because she was repeating the words in the same manner as the words in the song. We all laughed our butts off that day!

Kids. Gotta love ’em.

Dad’s Chicken

Posted on by
Reply

Two days ago, Dad and I went to Springfield. I had an appointment with an Orthopedic Doctor and Dad went along for moral support. We had a nice lunch at Chili’s, although we seem more and more disappointed every time we eat there. Ice tea alone, cost us over $5.00, for just 2 of us! Anyway, I digress.

We were on the way home and had about 30 miles to go. Stopped at a light in a neighboring town (Ava, MO) Dad just happened to glance to his right, off the road. He said to me in a rather surprised voice, “Look, there’s a chicken down there!” “Where?” I asked. He said, “Down there,” as he pointed in the right direction. Trying to keep my eyes on the traffic light, while stretching to see where he was looking, all I could see was a chunk of metal sticking out of the grass. It looked like an old car jack or something like that. It was reddish brown, obviously rusty from being in the weather.

I told Dad, “All I see is a piece of metal sticking up in the grass. No chickens.” Dad says, “No, Goddammit! It’s right there. It moved! It’s looking this way!” I was laughing to myself, knowing that the thing I was looking at couldn’t have moved, and I sure didn’t see anything else down there! He was getting kind of mad because I was arguing with him. I wasn’t trying to argue, just stating a fact. The only thing down there was a piece of metal, rusty and old, left behind by someone. (Later, I realized it was a metal water pipe.) I said, “Dad, all I see is that metal thing. No chickens. It’s not moving.” He says, “Are you sure? I could’ve swore it moved!”

By the time the light changed (finally!) I had Dad convinced there was no chicken. We were laughing now. In his defense – It WAS colored like a chicken; that rusty-red rooster color!

A few days later, I was back in town and stopped to take a photo of what Dad saw. It does look like a chicken, doesn’t it?!

 

                                                           Image Copyright Being Aunt Debbie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Watching Them….

Posted on by
Reply

You’ve seen them. I’ve seen them. In fact, I see them every time I go somewhere with my daughter, S.R. They usually make me laugh. You know who I mean. Those men who stare at girl’s asses….

I’ve watched guys practically trip over their own feet, watching my daughter walk by. I’ve seen some run into other people because they are looking at her rear end. I’ve seen old men gawk. I’ve seen middle-aged men stare. I’ve seen guys in their 20’s (same as my daughter) watch in admiration as she walks by. I’ve seen men with their wives or girlfriends do the same, only to be elbowed in the ribs by their better half. I’ve even seen young boys, teens and even pre-teens, drooling as she passes by.

I have ‘busted’ them all by laughing out loud at them in the store, on the street, wherever we may be. They usually look down or away quickly because they were caught! It’s actually quite funny, but at the same time disrespectful of women. But boys will be boys, I suppose.

Tuesday, S.R. and I had some errands to run in W. Plains. We had just walked into Walmart, grabbed a cart and went on our way, when I noticed this creepy guy coming in the door. There was just something about him that caught my eye. When he saw my daughter, who happened to be walking away, her back to him, he was staring at her ass like….gosh I can’t even explain how he was looking at her. It was just plain creepy. It wasn’t funny or even slightly amusing like many times it is. It was just plain creepy. I wanted to punch him in the face.

I started to walk a bit faster so I could be closer to S.R. I didn’t like this guy looking at her that way. He sure wasn’t letting up. When he finally looked away from S.R., he saw me looking directly at him. I was pissed. It took him quite a few seconds to take his eyes away from mine. I was glaring at him and as he passed me, I was shaking my head slowly from left to right, as if to say “don’t you even.” Of course, I didn’t realize I was doing this until after he was gone. I watched for him throughout the entire store, and even in the parking lot when we were finished. I was very uncomfortable, to say the least, wondering what this guy would do if he had opportunity….the pervert.

I’m watching them. All of them. I hope you’ll watch them too. Protect your children, your mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, yourself….and protect your boys too. You just never know about people these days.

I Must Be Deaf

Posted on by
Reply

Hot and humid. Air conditioner is on. Washer and dryer are both going. My grandson is banging his toys on the big aluminum bowl I gave him to play with. I’m at the kitchen sink with the water running trying to clean up the mess my daughter made when she cooked dinner. There’s a fan blowing the cool air from the front room to the kitchen just so I don’t melt while doing dishes. Other family members are doing what they normally do. The tv is on; time for Shepard Smith on Fox News. It’s louder than usual so we can hear it over the air conditioning. Household noise. Just can’t get away from it especially in a small house.

Dad walks through the kitchen talking, trying to tell me something he just heard on the news. I can’t hear him. He repeats what he said, coming back through the kitchen. If he would just stand still and near me I just might be able to hear him. I still can’t hear all of what he said. He gets frustrated and says “nevermind.” He thinks I have a hearing problem. He talks softly. Sometimes he’s moving from one room to another while talking. This has happened so many times before. I have tried to get through to him that I can’t hear him through the running water, washer, dryer, tv, fan, air conditioning, etc.

I guess I must be deaf.

Where’s Criss Angel When You Need Him?

Posted on by
Reply

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was in dire need of a vacation. I just needed to get away. In fact, I wanted to just disappear. I’m really feeling this in reality so I can understand why those feelings came out in a dream.

The funny thing about the dream is that Criss Angel was there. (If you don’t know who Criss Angel is then you need to look him up…. He’s the ultimate illusionist!) Anyway, I wanted so much to disappear and Criss Angel was happy to oblige. He directed me to a very large, refrigerator-sized cardboard box. He helped me climb inside and closed the box. I heard some mumbo-jumbo and then it was completely silent. It felt as though I was floating. I felt no fear, no pain, no aggravation, no anxiety whatsoever. I was at peace. I was happy and calm. I had no worries.

Then I woke up. Those warm, calm feelings were gone. It was time to get up and face another day filled with stress and worry.

Now when I’m feeling like I want to just disappear, I ask myself (and sometimes aloud) “Where’s Criss Angel when you need him?”