Lord, Have Mercy On My Tired Soul

It all started with a flat tire. I figured Dad would just call AAA in the next day or so…more like weeks later because he never wants to call anyone for anything. Ugh. My DIL sent someone over to change the tire for us the next morning. I wasn’t even awake yet but that’s ok, I knew I could take a nap later. So, here’s this skinny girl out there trying to get the lug nuts off and one just won’t budge. I was shocked that she could get any of them off, honestly. Well, she wasn’t able to get that last one so she left. 

The aggravation started when Dad decided to call AAA. Not that hard, right? Well, he called the tire shop in town first which was ridiculous because he would still have to call AAA to get it covered and he knew this. I told him that, too. The guy at the tire shop told him the same thing but if the lug nut was stripped then his shop had no way of getting it off. Seriously? So, Dad calls AAA. But he doesn’t. He ends up calling the tire shop again because that’s the business card he had in his hand. I asked him, “Are you calling AAA,” and he nods his head. He gets the tire shop and they tell him again that he has to call AAA first. Good grief. 

He calls AAA, finally. The line was busy the first time. Dad sat there for 3 minutes listening to the busy signal. I could hear it from where I sat. I timed him. After 3 minutes I asked him why he was listening to the busy signal. He said he was waiting to see if someone would realize he was trying to call. I said, “Dad, it doesn’t work that way!” Anyway, he calls again and gets a real person. He explains the situation with the lug nut. They said they would make some calls to find the right shop to do the job, and they would call him back within the hour. That’s good, right? But Dad gave them the wrong address and the wrong phone number! Before he could hang up I told him to verify the address and phone number. I could hear the woman’s voice on the other end and she repeated the address and phone number correctly. At least they had it on file correctly. In the meantime, someone else shows up, who Dad believes to be from a shop that AAA sent. It wasn’t. We found out the gal that was here first thing had called a friend of hers who lived in the area. He was an older man. 

While Dad was outside talking to the older man, the phone rang but I didn’t get to it in time. It was another tire shop that AAA contacted. The man left a voicemail and said he was on his way. I would have called him back right away but I wasn’t sure if the older man would get that blasted lug nut loose or not. So, I waited. 

The older man managed to get the lug nut loose and put the donut on the car. Before Dad even got back in the house, another guy showed up from the first shop that Dad had called. Dad just assumed that AAA called them. (They told Dad that they had no way of removing a stripped lug nut, so why send someone out anyway?) 

When Dad came inside, I told him about the call from Ed’s tire shop and he said, “He was just here.” I said, “No. It couldn’t have been because the call came in when the older guy was out there talking to you.” He told me he didn’t know that guy’s name but it was someone from Ron’s. I told him that not enough time had passed for Ed’s Shop guy to travel 30 miles. He just wasn’t getting it. He kept saying, “The guy from Ron’s was just here.” I told him again, “It was ED’s Shop that called, Dad. Not Ron’s.” He said, “Oh.” Finally getting it. I told him he’d better call him if the tire situation was taken care of, so they don’t waste their time and gas. He said he would but he had no way of knowing their number. Holy crap on a cracker. I gave him the number from the voicemail and he called. Good grief. 

It was suggested to me that I take over and make all of the calls, getting Dad’s permission to represent him. I would do that but Dad needs to keep his mind working. He does absolutely nothing all day but watch tv. He washes the few lunch dishes we have most days and helps with the laundry but that’s not exercising his brain. I am having a hard time taking care of myself, let alone him and everything else. Dad can’t let his brain go! It’s getting worse and worse. He won’t read a book. He won’t do crossword puzzles. He won’t do jigsaw puzzles with me. He won’t get involved with other seniors. He says, “I hate old people.” He won’t do anything but sit there and watch the news, all day long. I could make it less stressful on myself but is that helping him? 

I won’t put Dad in a nursing home unless and when it’s necessary. I can’t help but think about when I put my Granny in a nursing home. She was there for 2 weeks and was having a good time but then she got sick and was in the hospital for about a week. When she went back to the nursing home, she was there for a few days and then she passed away. I know in my heart that she got sick because she wasn’t used to being around so many germs. Dad is rarely around anyone but me. Nursing homes are chock-full of germs. I know. I used to work in one!

There are other things I/we could do like getting someone in to help but in this old house that’s damn near falling apart? That’s all I need, is some do-gooder coming in and reporting to Senior Services that we have no business living in this house. Our new house isn’t anywhere near being completed, so where the hell would we go? Are they going to foot the bill to not only find a new house for us to live in but move us in as well? Hahaha.

Well, as Granny used to say, “It’ll all come out in the wash!” Until then, I’ll just fake it ’til I make it, as they say or just grin and bear it.

6 thoughts on “Lord, Have Mercy On My Tired Soul

  1. Oh deal Lord in heaven!!! All of this happening and your in pain too, I’m sorry my friend. I know just how hard it is to get our elderly parents to stay sharp. I feel your pain because my mom doesn’t do anything either but knit scarves and blankets that are too short and watch cooking channels all day long. She’s without caregivers right now because she “forgot” to submit the renewal application to the state to renew her services, It’s going on a month now and then she falls on Thursday night, she cut her forearm and of course my brother lives with her and doesn’t to jack shit to help her. She stayed on the floor for 45 mins before my brother hear scratching on the wall. That’s when he found her, for Pete’s sake it took him 45 damned minutes to find my mom. Then of course he calls me to ask me what to do and I’m like “TAKE HER TO THE DAMNED EMERGENCY ROOM MORON!”

    I met them there and my mom got six stitches and we stayed until they did a CT scan to make sure she didn’t have a concussion. The week before during a conversation I had told her I had a doctors appointment coming up this week. She continually asked if I could go with her to her pain doctor but it was the same day I have my appt. In the span of fifteen mins she asked me four times and I kept repeating I can’t I have a damned doctors appointment MOTHER! Then she gets mad at me for raising my voice but how the hell can I NOT raise my voice if she’s not listening that I have a doctors appointment and can’t go with her to her doctors appointment?! I was on the verge of going outside and picking up the heaviest rock I could find to beat myself with it! I constantly repeat things to her, I have to remind her to do shit like call her appointments if she’s going to cancel them.

    She called me to ask what I wanted for my birthday at the end of August and I told her “Mom, my birthday is a month away.” She got so mad she hung up on me and I’m thinking, I need to put her in a nursing or assisted living home because she’s losing her marbles. Right after she hung up on me she calls my oldest to ask him what he has planned for my birthday and he basically tells her the same thing. She gets mad at him and then he tells her “Maybe if you kept track of dates in a planner you’d remember what is going on grandma.” What’s scary about all this is, she still drives and now she’s calling me from places asking me for directions on how to get home. She has access to transportation and I told her she needs to use it instead of driving. Of course then she gets mad at me again for saying this because it’s implying that she’s getting old and I’m like “You freaking 83 years old MOTHER, of course your OLD!”
    So, you see my friend, we’re in the same boat and both going crazy with our parents rocking it all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Holy crap! You’re right. We are both basically in the same boat. Lol. She doesn’t realize she’s old…that’s funny. I try to get Dad to socailize with old folks like him and he says, “I hate old people.” I have to laugh at him because he’s 87 years old. He’s no spring chicken! I wish your brother would step up and do his part. I can’t believe he didn’;t know to take her to the ER. Good grief. How old is he? 12? Good luck, my firend. Hugs ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s really hard when someone we have loved and trusted starts losing memory, hearing, or executive function. They have done things for us over the years, and now it’s time for us to do things for them. When you were in elementary school, they wouldn’t have expected you to make arrangements like car repairs, would they? Now it’s time for us to do things like that.

    It’s not up to us to keep our parents’ minds sharp. Losing capacity is a natural process. It’s hard to watch it happening for a loved one (or ourselves). Sometimes, all we can do is acknowledge the grief and let go of the illusion that we can do anything about it.

    Hang in there!

    Like

  3. It was so hard when my dad starting losing his memory. He still read some… or at least went through the motions like he was. He would argue it was time to go to work and be convinced we were out of state at his parent’s home… it is all so over whelming for me but imagine what it is like for them, not seeing things right and being told they are wrong. I know I argued too much with my dad and regret it now, but I can’t change the past. Try to be patient with him and gently direct him towards the truth. It is hard. I hope he has more good days than bad. Hang in there my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I try not to argue with him or at least do it in a gentle way so not to seem like I’m trying to argue. It’s very frustrating. But normally, he thinks about it for a minute and says something like, “Oh, that’s right. What was I thinking?” I can tell it’s genuine. So, he just gets a little confused sometimes. It doesn’t linger…for now. 💜

    Like

Leave a reply to marniesinger Cancel reply