What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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So many things, so little time. Actually, I have time but I don’t have the motivation.

Dad’s been having issues. Constipation, for one. I tell him to drink more water, eat fruit, eat some veggies, take a laxative of some kind every night, take a stool softener….ugh. It takes a specialist in gastroenterology to tell him the same things before he gets it. I feel like it’s my fault that he’s having digestive issues because I just can’t stand in the kitchen and cook like I used to. I have to rely on frozen meals and quick Instant Pot or Crock Pot recipes; things that go together quickly. I don’t buy much fresh produce because I can’t eat it all myself. He won’t touch it. If I’m making myself a salad, he doesn’t want one. If he’s not very hungry at dinner time, I offer him an apple. He declines. He has cookies instead. You get the idea.

I picked up a curbside order on Friday and was beat afterward. I just can’t believe how exhausted I am from doing something so simple. I’m sorry I didn’t post Friday’s Funnies but I was just too tired. I am determined to make sure Dad gets the fiber he needs, whether he likes it or not, so I made sure to get lots of fresh fruit and veggies. I also bought some chops and cheap steaks, chicken breasts, potatoes, and some canned and dried fruit. I spent the entire day Saturday washing produce, vacuum sealing meats and corn on the cob. I blanched the corn first, vacuum-sealed it, and tossed it in the freezer. Very simple things but I was exhausted. I took lots of breaks. My knees were killing me! Since we went out for pizza after picking up our curbside order, I only had enough energy to pop the leftovers in the microwave for lunch. I ate mine cold. Yummo.

Saturday night was hell. I was in so much pain, all I could do was lay in my reclining lift chair. My back hurt so bad I couldn’t even think straight. Sunday, wasn’t as bad but I had aches and pains in places that I forgot I had. I’m still in a bit of pain this morning but my pain is almost down to the level it usually is.

Anyway, about Dad’s issues. His memory is failing. He stumbles quite often, thankfully though he hasn’t hit the floor in quite some time. He’s not helping as much around the house like he used to. For example, every night he would get the coffee maker ready for morning but lately, he has just completely forgotten about it. I don’t mind doing it but this is happening a lot with other things and I just can’t do it all myself. He used to sweep the floor when he saw it needed to be swept. He used to swish the toilet when he saw it was dirty. He used to get stuff out of the washing machine automatically and put clothes in the dryer. Now I have to ask him to do it. I’m too short and the washing machine drum is too deep. I just can’t reach! It’s getting worse and worse and my own pain and mobility issues are quite enough for me to handle. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when Dad needs more care than I can provide.

My family’s (sisters and daughter) solution is that we move to Tennessee so they can help us. Dad won’t move but even if he wanted to, how in the hell am I supposed to pack shit up and get ready to move when I can’t even wash produce without it killing me? Dad can’t help much. How am I supposed to drive 5 hours in a car that I can barely get in and out of? Too many loose ends to deal with. What would I do with my furbabies? What about my son? If I moved away, then he wouldn’t have any of his family near him. At least my sisters and my daughter all have each other in Tennessee. Where would we live? I’m not living with my daughter or my sisters. They already have their hands full with who knows how many dogs and cats! Too crowded for me. Also, our property and everything on it is paid for. Why the hell would I want to start all over? No, thank you. I guess since I can’t get family to step up, I’ll have to kill myself trying to take care of Dad. Ugh.

I have put my own health on the back burner for the past 6 years or so. I have not pursued knee replacement surgery since the last orthopedic doc told me I had to lose more weight first. Since then, Dad has become more frail and I can’t leave him home alone. How the hell am I supposed to have surgery when I can’t leave him alone? I never thought I’d be in this predicament. There’s no one to help – I’m in this alone. And I’m tired…oh so tired.

I started this blog many years ago. I think it was around 2008 and I started it to have a place to vent, to get things off my chest. I’m really glad I still have it because it helps to vent. I thank you for reading – whether you’ve been following me since the beginning or have just started, I thank you very much.

Peace, my friends.

aunt-debbie

11 thoughts on “What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?”

  1. Deb, you’re doing everything in your power, but you need help, my friend! So does your dad. I know you don’t need me to tell you this. Please contact your and your dad’s doctors and explain the situation. Make a list and let them know exactly what you need and what the situation is. I’m going to assume you’re on some kind of Medicare or Medicaid plan. Your doctor’s office is going to have resources. You need, at the very least, home healthcare, but also something like Meals on Wheels. Please don’t wait. Be the effing proverbial squeaky wheel until you get services that work for you and your dad! Get your son out to help on a twice a week basis as well. Insist on it. You deserve help! I know you mean a lot to your readers! You mean a lot to me! I’m sorry you’re going through all of this! Please channel your inner bitch to get this done. If you don’t have one, then channel my inner bitch! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Hugs, Mona

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  2. I agree with Mona! There must be services in your area that could help you and the doctor’s office should be aware of them. You sound so much like me with your pain, knees and being unable to do simple things without hurting alot.

    I too resort to freezer meals, anything I can cook from frozen or just heat up on the stove. We eat little fresh produce as Razz doesn’t care for it and I rarely buy it just for me. I understand what you’re going through. I can’t do alot of the housecleaning that needs doing and though I’ve tried to get family to help they never seem to have time for us. It’s been suggested to me that I look into getting help too.

    I hope you are able to find some help and get some relief from the burden of being a full-time caregiver. Hugs and Hope, Roze

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    • I had no idea you were in a similar situation. I would love to get someone in to clean and help with meal prep but with the condition of our house, I’m afraid some do-gooder would go directly to Social Services and then we’d be forced out of our home. I mean, seriously our house is in bad shape! It’s also cluttered because we had to close off one bedroom completely due to mold (from leaky roof) so things in that room had to be put elsewhere in the house, making much less room. If I were able to clean, I would go through closets and cabinets, etc., and get rid of a bunch of things. Ugh. It’s rather difficult to do much of anything when you can’t even move without the use of crutches!

      Any cooking I do at all is what I make in my slow cooker or Instant Pot, things I can just toss in and forget. That’s hard sometimes too, depending on how much prep. So, we rely on frozen meals and I try to stick to Healthy Choice, Smart Ones, or Lean Cuisine rather than Marie Calender’s, Banquet, or Stouffer’s.

      I’m sorry your family is of no help to you! It really sucks, doesn’t it? Knee pain is no joke and it’s so hard on a person to do anything when the pain is always there! If I could have had knee replacement surgery years ago instead of being fat shamed, then I wouldn’t be in this boat. I can’t have any surgery now because I can’t leave Dad alone long enough to be in the hospital and with no one to step in and help, I’ll have to wait. Story of my life!!

      Thanks for reading! I’m here if you ever need to vent!

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  3. Deb, just want you to know that my dad, my hoarder dad, is about to be 88 years old. When I say “hoarder,” I mean it. He shops at thrift stores on a daily basis. He doesn’t want people to come into his house and mess anything up. Also, though, he’s had problems with mold and a hole in his floor, etc. He’s also afraid that if he admits that sometimes he falls, they’re going to try and put him in an old folk’s home/assisted living. He always tells people he’s fine. His doctor’s already told him he wants him in assisted living. Because he’s in and out of the hospital so much, trying to get consistent help has been difficult. I’ve given up trying to do for him other than offer my home when it gets too hot or too cold. Two days ago, the electricity in the area where he lives went down. Needless to say, he came to my house and is staying until the weather cools down a little. That is a huge load off of my mind for the time being. I’ve determined that he’s going to live and, eventually, die the way he determines, not how someone else believes he should live and die. So, I get how cautious you are about letting government people into your home. Mona

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    • Holy cow! That sounds like it would be awful to watch. I’m sorry. You’re right though. It’s his choice to live that way. I’m glad he’s with you while it’s so stinking hot! I bet it’s a load off your mind. Thanks for your understanding. ❤

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