I’m sick to my stomach… I don’t like this feeling at all.
Dad and I went to town yesterday but we were both pretty stressed out. You see, Dad has a cash stash that he carries in a bank envelope, tucked into his checkbook when we leave the house. It’s not just a few bucks; not $20, $50, or even $100. It’s considerably more. He says he doesn’t want to leave it in the house in case of a fire or theft, so he takes it with him in that little envelope, tucked into his checkbook. The cash never leaves the car. We lock the car, always. He never takes the cash out; if he needs some cash for lottery tickets or something else he takes it out of the envelope and leaves the rest in the car. It’s not in plain sight. It’s hidden. If he takes his checkbook in the store, he leaves the cash in the car. Yesterday, before we went to town Dad discovered that the little bank envelope was missing.
He has look everywhere it could be and everywhere he swears it couldn’t be. We looked again after we got home. We have looked with fresh eyes this morning. That cash is nowhere to be found. It was too much money to lose but seems it IS LOST, possibly forever. It could be like the bag of chocolate that disappeared. You might be wondering how much money it was… $1,500. Yes, ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
His memory is getting so bad that this morning he argued with me that it was after we got back from town when he discovered the cash was gone. I had to remind him of our conversation in the car on the way to town about the cash and where it could be. I had to remind him that I was getting ready to go when he was looking in the car, and then he came in to tell me about it. I reminded him that we were both worn out from hunting before we even left. He was still a bit puzzled, as if he didn’t recall any of that.
It’s sickening that that amount of cash has been lost, but it’s even more sickening that this has happened to my Dad…or should I say IS happening? Just a few weeks ago, he was trying to think of my daughter’s name, his grand daughter, and he literally cried because he couldn’t think of her name until an hour later. It upset him so much that we purchased one of those “brain boosting” supplements. He’s been taking it for a month now and he keeps telling me, “It’s still not working.” I feel so terribly bad for him.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have a hard time taking care of myself sometimes. I shouldn’t be disabled at my age. What will I do if I can’t take care of him? He’ll be 84 in February. He’s keeping a brave face right now, saying, “It’s only money.” That is true but it’s just an awful lot to lose especially during hard times.
Keep a close eye on your elder loved ones. Hug everyone you care about and tell them you love them. They may be here today but tomorrow isn’t a given. 💜
Being Aunt Debbie 
Oh my friend, I understand what you might be going through. Except my mom isn’t like your dad, at least Dad accepts that he might be getting fuzzy with his memory. But my mom refuses to accept and even fights me when I tell her stuff that she said, did or made. She says I’m the one going crazy, that I’m the one losing my memory. But I’ve let my oldest hear her on the phone, she repeats things sometime three or four times.
So when my son heard her, then reminded her of what she said, she actually said “I didn’t say that you all are making that up!” Then my son lost it and said we weren’t going to take care of her if she refused to acknowledge that she’s getting old and in need of help. She still fights me when I tell her about that conversation, ugh. She won’t even take memory supplements because she staunchly believes she doesn’t need them. But just yesterday she couldn’t remember the year my oldest son was born. Then I yelled “YOU SEE?!? And you say you aren’t’ losing your memory.” There in is the big difference between your Dad and my mom.
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Yeah, Dad knows his memory is slipping. He’s the one that wanted to take the memory supplements. I told him tonight maybe he should go to the doctor. He said, “I have no reason to go to the doctor.” 😮 I tried to tell him that maybe the doctor will give you something better for your memory. But nope. He’s stubborn and he says he sure as hell wasn’t going to the doctor during the pandemic. Gaaaaaaaa! Why do our parents have to be so freakin’ stubborn? Of course, the apple doesn’t usually fall too far from the tree, ‘eh? Thanks for your support, my friend. ❤
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You have my sympathy, Deb. To a certain degree, my mom knows she’s forgetting things. She has forgotten both of my sons’ birthdays as well as Rod’s and mine over the recent years. She eventually ends up calling to apologize when she realizes it’s been days or weeks after those dates and says she either totally forgot or she forgot because she had so many doctor appointments to remember and various things going on at those times that she just forgot about the birthday(s). Hey, I get it. I just chalk it up to her being elderly. She just turned 90 on 10/30. It’s kind of to be expected. 99% of the time she’s very on-the-ball with things. It’s that 1% that comes out of left field from her when you least expect it.
When hubby and I were taking care of her when she had that last surgery a couple years ago around this time of year, she accused me of doing a couple things many years ago that was plain old not true. Nothing I said would convince her otherwise. It got to the point where she started raising her voice to me about her being right (to her she’s never wrong) and I just simply don’t know what I’m talking about. Since she has a blood pressure problem and takes medicine for that, I try to keep her as calm as possible and try to not get into arguments with her. She pretty much raised me to constantly debate with her. lol Hubby got me to realize it’s a never-ending battle with her and to just leave her think she’s right, just to keep the peace. So, that’s what I do. When we speak on the phone, I pretty much just let her talk and I just sit on the other end alternating with “Yeah” and “Uh-huh.” Because, if I sound like I’m giving any opinion on anything she’s talking about, especially if it’s anything about recent news, and we have opposing views, I will never hear the end of it. So, I’ve literally given up on responding to anything she’s talking about. The only exception is if she’s actually asking me a question about something or someone.
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Thanks, Teri. I know Dad is getting older but it scares me that he’s going to do something so totally outrageous and possibly dangerous. I try not to argue with him when he thinks he’s right but I do try and remined him of certain smaller things that might help him remember what I remember. Sometimes he remembers and sometimes he doesn’t. It’s funny – sometimes he’ll start watching a movie on tv and I’ll tell him we saw that movie a while back. He argues and argues and says he never saw it…even though I know he did. Then 10 or 15 minutes into the movie he says, “I did see this movie!” I just laugh and tell him, “I told you!” Lol. Anyway, I need to keep a closer eye on him now I guess. I hope that cash turns up somewhere.
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I’m sorry this has happened to you and your Dad. I know that sinking feeling. A while back I couldn’t find my checkbook. To save my soul, I couldn’t find it. I was “sure” it was safe at home, but I had this niggling feeling that maybe it was’t. I can feel for your Dad because I have many brain lapses, too. Sometimes in the middle of a sentence! Epilepsy has fried enough of my brain cells that there are days when I can’t think logically at all. So I am sad for your Dad. I really am. I know how it feels to lose a memory or a stretch of time. To be sure something has happened when it hasn’t. It’s heart-wrenching. But don’t give up. The money may turn up in an unexpected place. I found my checkbook months after I lost it. It was in the middle of a bag of books I had set aside to go through. How it ended up in the bag, I do not know. How it ended up under a whole bunch of those books in the middle of the bag, I certainly do not know. But it was there and I was the only one who could have put it there. So…don’t give up. Look in places it couldn’t possibly be. It might be in the freezer under a frozen entree!
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Thanks, Linda. We have looked up one end and down the other in this house and in the car. I do hope it shows up somewhere but I just don’t know. That big bag of chocolate never turned up either! I fear the cash went in the trash like that chocolate probably did. 😦
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Oh no! I am so sorry about the missing money and more sorry to hear about your Dad’s memory issues. My Dad had several times he was convinced he was with his parents in Omaha and needed to go home to get back to work. I could understand it when he thought I was Mom a couple of times but I was also his sister-in-law and his younger brother, It is really hard to not be recognized. Aging is not always easy and it definitely is not fair. I followed a dementia page on FB and they had some ideas and positive words to help a little. Hang in there!
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I worked in a Nursing Home for several years as a CNA, then a Med Tech. I saw first hand how hard dementia is on the family members. It’s terribly sad to see and I can understand how hurtful it was to them not being recognized. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are TERRIBLE! Dad feels sick about that money but to help him stay positive I’ve been telling him that it will probably turn up somewhere, somewhere you never thought it would be! Fingers crossed. 😉
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🤞 I’ll keep mine crossed too.
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