Mistrust, Disgust & Humiliation, Part One

If you know me, then you know of my struggles, or some of my struggles at least. My last post was a direct reflection of the disgust and mistrust I have for the medical profession in trying to deal with those struggles. This post, an explanation of what I have been dealing with in the last umpteen months!!

My doctor had been telling me for years that I am too young for knee replacement surgery. Even though I have bone on bone damage. Even though she knows I have bone on bone damage. My pain level has increased significantly over this past 6 years, as you can imagine. It’s not like I can stay off my feet to avoid doing any more damage to my already damaged knees. I have a life to live, chores to do, obligations, as anyone does. I have things I want and need to do just like anyone else.

So, I’ve been religiously taking my pain meds so that I can do what I want and need to do. Damage to my knees progressed, pain level increased and so my activity level has decreased. The pain is sometimes unbearable. I am unable to exercise the way I need to exercise to lose weight or even maintain a steady weight. I have struggled with my weight for many years; since my thyroid went wacky back when my first child was born. It took 5 years after that to even get a diagnosis – after I was already 100 lbs over weight!

I’ve tried many diets – low calorie, low fat, low carb, high protein, cabbage soup diet, mediterranean diet, and more – over the years. I have lost a few pounds here and there but nothing of enough significance to keep stressing myself over a diet. Not enough weight lost on any one diet to warrant continuing to deprive myself of everything that tastes good! But I digress. I do that often. More in another post later about dieting.

In February, I was in to see my doc for my routine annual exam. I had asked her about trying a new pain medication because my pain was getting worse. She wouldn’t give me anything else. She said there’s nothing else I can take. WHAT? Give me a break! There are plenty of medications for OA pain relief out there! I think she thought I wanted narcotics. Nope. I just want quality of life.

So, now things get really intense and I get to where all I see is RED. She asked me if I had considered knee replacement surgery. I lost it! I raised my voice and reminded her that she’s the one who’s been telling me for years that I’m too young for knee replacement surgery! She said, “Yes, but there are other treatments and they will do knee replacement depending on severity……” Yadda, yadda, yadda. I don’t remember anything else she said because I was so angry and in total disbelief! I told her I had considered a pain clinic nearby that specializes in knee treatments so people can avoid surgery. She said she had heard many people having good results there.

I had every intention of checking out that pain clinic personally, but I ended up back in the doc’s office with a UTI just a couple weeks later. I asked her then for a referral to see about knee replacement surgery. She said, “You’re too young for knee replacement surgery.” Red! I said, “I wish you’d make up your damn mind! Just 2 weeks ago you asked me if I had considered it!!” I wanted to kick her in the face! I was in the perfect position to do so, up on that exam table!! It would have hurt like hell with my knees as bad as they are, but I would have received great satisfaction in doing so. She tells me that there’s a process; first I will have to have x rays and discuss options with a specialist. She must think I’m stupid. I know I’m not going to make an appointment with a specialist and then be scheduled for surgery that very same day! I know there’s a process. So, I said, “I realize that, I’m not stupid. If you would just set me up with the specialist I will take it from there.” She did. Appointment made. This was just the beginning of another experience I won’t soon forget.

To be continued…….

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