Tag Archives: moral support

What the Literal F*ck Just Happened?

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It has been a long and grueling week and I’m done with it. Turns out that the family I thought I had for moral support, just took a huge dump on me. I’m a strong person otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now, but even strong people need someone to talk to on occasion. I have been accused of several things but the one thing that hurt me the most was being accused of bullying Dad. I will never forgive them for that. It was uncalled for and came from a place of not knowing what the fuck they were talking about. 

Seems that certain family members have forgotten about all of the help and moral support they received from me over the years. When I need nothing from them except a little understanding and support in return, I get shit on and told that all I do is whine and complain. Let me see them go through what I go through without complaining or even occasionally whining. I always thought that with family, I’d have a safe place to vent; to express my concerns, my anger, my fears, and to complain without being shit on, regardless. Boy, was I wrong.

Apparently, I am refusing help because I won’t move to another state and start all over. Like I’m supposed to do what they say?? Dad doesn’t want to move. I sure as hell am not going to leave him behind! Shitting on me is sure not going to convince me to move – as if they’d be there for me even then. Ha!

More shit hit the fan than I care to share, because God Forbid, I might be whining! Insert eye roll here.  

Bummed

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For most of my adult life I have been a caregiver. Even before I graduated from high school, I worked at an elementary school, working with special ed children. Then when I had my own children I worked a Day Care in my own home. I did that for years. I worked as a CNA/CMT (Certified Nurse’s Aide and Certified Medication Technician) for several years in a Nursing Home – again, caring for other people.  I was always ready and eager to help someone, family or not. I always tried to be there for my sisters, grandmother, dad, my friends, and my children. As my kids grew older, they needed me less. They are now grown and living elsewhere. The problem with them growing older is that so am I! I am in my 50’s now and my health isn’t what it once was. I can’t do what I use to do.

I’m currently taking care of my dad, who is nearly 80 years old. He still takes care of himself for the most part but I make sure he takes his meds, gets to his appointments, eats right, has clean clothes etc. It’s getting harder for me to take care of things as I did before. I can’t clean the house the way it should be cleaned due to my chronic pain issues. Dad helps with things I can’t reach – he’s tall and I’m very short. He helps keep the kitchen clean. When I cook, he washes the dishes. He helps me keep the bathroom clean and does a multitude of tasks around the house so that I don’t have to. He even folds clothes! I appreciate what he does to help me, and he appreciates what I do to help him. It’s nice to be appreciated….

I feel that Dad really is my best friend and probably the ONLY person I can count on in this world for moral support when I need it. The problem is that most of my friends and my sisters live in other states. Extended family all live in other states. My kids have their own lives to lead, their own problems, etc. I virtually have no one to hold my hand and lend me an ear….except Dad. He doesn’t understand many things women go through, or things I personally have been through. It doesn’t always help to have him to lean on. In fact, sometimes it makes things worse. He’s a man. (I’d like to see men go through some of the shit women go through on a daily basis and see how well they cope!)

I guess I’m just feeling bummed these days. I sit here alone most of the time with my Facebook friends and family….and Dad. This is probably where I will still be in 5 years.