The Ex-Files – I Don’t Do Pockets!

In the very beginning stages of my relationship with CP, not too long after I let him move into my apartment with me, I had to make a few small requests/suggestions/rules, whatever you want to call them.

  1. No dirty, smelly car parts in the house! He thought he should be able to store his smelly car parts in the house and/or in the closet. No way. This isn’t a garage.
  2. No dirty, smelly car engines in my closet! He seriously wanted to store an old car engine in my closet! As if he was doing me a favor by not putting it on the carpet in the living room, which was his first choice for storage.
  3. If you leave dirt, grime, grease, hair and other gross shit on the soap bar, please wash it off! He really thought it was ridiculous that he should have to wash off the soap bar. He said he’d never heard of such a thing. BUT I shouldn’t have to wash my hands with someone else’s greasy, grimy yuck and it looks like shit.
  4. When your alarm goes off playing music in the morning at 4am, please turn it OFF because I don’t have to get up until 7am! The alarm going off, playing music at 4am was fine but to leave it on was inconsiderate. I didn’t have to get up that early and I couldn’t sleep with music blaring mere feet away from my head!
  5. Empty your pockets when you put your clothes in the laundry because I don’t do pockets! I had asked him to check his pockets before putting his clothes in the laundry. That is unless he wanted his wallet washed. It’s really not that hard.


None of the things I asked of him were that difficult and it was pretty much just a matter of common courtesy. I was pretty easy going back then and not too hard to live with. I was a people-pleaser and bent over backward for that man. The least he could do is to be considerate. Right? Was I being too harsh? Pffttt….

Ok, so this post is about the emptying of pockets. I had actually checked a couple of times before throwing his clothes in the washer and another time I just happened to feel the weight of something and it caught my attention. All saves. Each time, I reminded him that I don’t do pockets and he needs to remember to empty them.

One time, (it was the LAST freakin’ time) he didn’t empty his pockets and I didn’t check because… umm… well, I forgot to check. I didn’t think anything of it and I threw his clothes in the washer. Oops! Haha! His wallet was in one pocket and a couple receipts in another. Not to mention all the important things you might find in one’s wallet! It contained his driver’s license, cash, phone numbers, business cards, photos, social security card, membership cards, etc. There was shredded paper everywhere!

When he came home I told him. He was pissed. I reminded him, “I told you. I don’t do pockets!” He responded with something like, “I don’t know why you can’t check the damn pockets!” Seriously? I told him, “It’s simple. I’m not your mother and you’re an adult!”

His response to that was, “You are kinda like my mother. You cook for me, clean for me, do my laundry. You take care of me.” Are you freakin’ kidding me? I asked myself. Wow. I told him, “I am not your mother. You are responsible for your own shit. I didn’t move out of my parents’ home to have to be mommy to a grown ass man!”

He had to replace everything. Serves him right. He should have listened. He never left shit in his pockets again.

7 thoughts on “The Ex-Files – I Don’t Do Pockets!

  1. Why can ex-husbands be so freaking STUPID!?! I would have said men but that’s not the case, not all men act like our ex-husbands. This is going to gross you out but it’s an ex-husband thing and I got him back good. So my stupid ex had the habit (very bad, disgusting, gross) of blowing his fucking nose on the bath towels. Yes you heard that right, the asshole pig I was married to use to think it was “ok” to blow his fucking nose on the bath towels! When I actually saw him do it I was livid! I asked him how long he’d been doing that and he looks at me and says “What? Is it wrong?” I said “Yes it’s fucking wrong! were you brought up in a goddamned barn?!?” I told him that’s what toilet tissue was for, and he just looked at me and walked way. So from then on I bought towels for me and my boys, and only put out his for him to use in the master bath. That way the fucking pig could dry himself with his own booger filled towels. Then one day it occurred to me, I’m going to do something just as gross to “help” him see how disgusting that stupid habit really is. He had his favorite concert t-shirts out one day and I walked up and blew my nose on his favorite AC/DC shirt. He looked at me and yelled “What are you doing? Don’t put your boogers all over my shirt!” I looked at him and did it again then said to him “Motherfucker these are just shirts, if you ever use our bath towels to do this on again, I’m going to do worse to your clothes, and I don’t mean with just boogers!” His mom was in the kitchen and she asked why I was yelling at her son. I explained what he was doing, and she looked shocked and I asked her if that’s how she brought him up? And she walked right past me and I don’t know what she said to him but he fucking stopped! I mean come the fuck on! One of the many things as to why he’s now my ex and I wouldn’t have it any other way! God I’m so glad that fucker is out of my life! lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG. Why would anyone even think that it was ok to blow their nose on bath towels? Had he never heard of kleenex or toilet paper?? What a pig. That’s just disgusting! Glad he’s out of your life…and now he’s someone else’s problem. Poor woman. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Poor woman? I think not my dear. After I separated from my ex both of them went out of their way to make my life a living hell. And get this, we work at the same University and I have to deal with her dumb ass in a professional capacity. She’s a dumb as a rock but she was vicious when she met my ex, that is until one day I had to put a stop to it and told her if she didn’t cut her shit I would make her life such hell she’d think that what she attempted to do to me was child’s play. I researched and found her ex-husband who was in the Navy and he and I talked a while and when he told me she had kept him from seeing their son I said “Well I can help in that department” and TA-DA! I found her Kryptonite, and she left me alone after that, and he petitioned the court to see his son and I actually went to court on his behalf. I’m sure she hates me for it but I’m like all is fair in love and war bitch! Her ex is such a nice guy, he remarried a woman who wasn’t psycho like this bitch, so my stupid ex and his second wife are the perfect match! I told her “remember that you are his SECOND choice because I left him, he didn’t leave me. There’s nothing worse than leftovers honey” She hates me for sure I think, lmao!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! After reading this I remembered it! lol My memory sucks! Regarding thehuntress915’s comment about her ex blowing his nose on towel, I agree it is disgusting! One or two of my brothers blew their nose(s) on the curtains in their bedroom and my mom was pissed. I’m pretty sure they never did it again. My ex blew his nose on one of his t-shirts and I threw it in the garbage!

    Liked by 1 person

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