Don’t Ask Me…

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“How are you?” she asked out of politeness, not really wanting to hear how I am. It’s easy to tell when someone really isn’t interested. It happens more often than I’d like.

Don’t ask me how I am if you don’t want to hear that I’m having a bad day. I would listen to you.

Don’t ask me how I am if you don’t want to hear that my mobility issues are getting worse. I would listen to you.

Don’t ask me how I am if you don’t have time to hear the answer. I would make time for you.

Don’t ask me how I am if you don’t want to hear the truth, because the truth is all that I have. I would hope you would tell me the truth about how you’re doing.

Don’t ask me how I am if all you’re going to do is suggest remedies or special exercises because trust me, I have tried them all. I’m sure you would have tried them all too, if you were in the same boat as me.

From now on when someone asks me how I am, the answer will be, “I’m fine.” Because they don’t want to know how I really am. I’m tired of being pushed to move, or to do this or that. I just happen to know my situation better than anyone else so I don’t need “friendly advice” about how I should live my life, well-meaning or not.

3 thoughts on “Don’t Ask Me…”

  1. Three things that work for me sometimes:

    1. I tend not to give a real answer unless they ask “How are you feeling?” or “How are you really?”
    2. I try to follow a guideline that advice is not to be given unless it is asked for.
    3. If it’s not clear what the other person wants when they have told me their troubles, I try to remember to ask something like, “Do you want to be heard, hugged, or helped?”

    The only problem is that it’s not all black and white. By giving you this comment, am I giving unsolicited advice, or am I simply showing that I heard you?

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    • Unsolicited but also showing that you heard me and that you care. I just get tired of trying to explain to friends/family that what they are suggesting is not helpful or that it is unreasonable for them to tell me to try something since they aren’t hearing me when they ask how I am. Does that make sense? They have no clue why I can’t do x, y, or z because they don’t listen…they don’t listen to understand.

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