The Ex-Files – Milk & The Kitchen Floor

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I ran a daycare in my home for several years when my kids were small. I had to do something to bring in money to pay the rent, keep the lights on, and feed my kids. CP wasn’t doing much working during that time. Mostly he just sat on his ass in the middle of my business, cramping my style, and playing solitaire with a deck of cards that I would have loved to shove down his throat.

One day, I had 7 kids counting my two, for the entire day. I was extremely busy and a bit stressed, mostly because of CP. I always tried to sweep and mop the kitchen floor at least every other day because when you’re feeding a bunch of kids at least 2 meals a day, it gets rather messy. CP was naturally sitting at the kitchen table, playing with his stupid cards and in my way, as usual. I thought, Dammit, I wish you’d go sit in someone else’s way for a change. He did finally leave. He probably went to his cousin’s house.

It was mid-afternoon and the kids were either doing puzzles, napping, or watching PBS. It was calm for the time being so I figured I’d have time to sweep and mop the floor. I swept first, obviously. I had most of the floor mopped when the toddler woke up from his nap. I quickly finished and went to get the little whipper-snapper.

The house was still semi-calm. I sat down to rest and do puzzles with 2 of the boys who were ages 6 and 7. Then I read a funny story about a rabbit who got lost. The day was coming to an end. I helped the kids get ready for their moms to pick them up. When they had all been picked up, I went to the kitchen to start dinner. About the same time, CP came home.

CP decided he was going to finish off the coffee left in the pot. He liked milk in his coffee, so he grabbed the gallon jug of milk from the refrigerator. It was virtually a full jug. I don’t know how he did it, but he dropped the entire jug and it hit the floor with a big crash and milk splattered everywhere. I said to CP, “Good grief. I just mopped the floor!” He laughed and apologized. He said he would clean it up.

He did clean up the mess, mopped the floor again and everything. The problem was that he had to show me how much dirt came off the floor when he mopped. I probably rolled my eyes, thinking here we go again. I knew what was coming and I was right.

He proceeded to tell me how he would mop the floor. He went through the entire process in great detail while I stood there completely disgusted and ready to stick that mop up his ass so far he could taste it.

When he finished this detailed explanation of the process, as if I’m stupid and never mopped a floor before in my life, I told him, “I didn’t do a thorough clean because I had 7 kids here all day, as you well know.” He started to say something and I cut him off, “I don’t have time when the house is full of kids. I have meals to fix, and activities to do, diapers to change, kids to take to the potty. I also take the kids outside to play, read to them, play with them, take them to the park and other various places, all while trying to fit in the household chores that won’t get done unless I do them myself. So, I guess if you’re not satisfied with the way I mop the floor or anything else around here, then maybe you can get off your ass and do it yourself from now on.” I walked away… He grumbled something under his breath and went out to the garage to pout and drink beer… I guess this is how I ‘drove him to drink.’ Ha.

Finally, now I can fix dinner. Geesh!

He did this kind of thing all the time… He always had to tell me how he would do something, how his uncles used to do something, or how his mother did something. Quite frankly I didn’t give a shit how anyone else did anything. I did things my way and I still do.

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14 thoughts on “The Ex-Files – Milk & The Kitchen Floor”

  1. Oh man, were we married to the same dude! Lol
    My idiot ex would always tell me “well my mom makes it like this, my mom does it like that or my mom says it should be done this way.” And like you I would roll my eyes and walk away, but one day I just wasn’t in the mood. And he began his stupid comments and I finally tore him a new one saying “Everything you say your bitch mother says or does is WRONG, and how she’s gotten away with it all these years is beyond me! She doesn’t know how to cook, clean, wash or speak the right way! Who the fuck puts a can of tomato sauce in the fridge after opening it? I mean hell-the-fuck-o? Have you ever heard of botulism, no? It figures. And how can she even be remotely smart when she thought black eyed peas were burned on one side?”
    Yes this woman existed, she was the original “monster-in-law.” She’s dead now, so meh, no fucks given. Lol

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    • OMG. Can’t help but laugh, especially about the black eyed peas!! I loved my mother in law. She was a kind, loving woman. Of course, she lived in another state. It might have been different if she were close to us at the time. 😮 I always tried to explain to my ex that everyone does things differently and that while I will keep an open mind to other ways, in the end I’ll do it the way that’s best for me. Don’t like it? Too damn bad. I always have a reason why I do things the way I do, don’t we all? I let him control me for far too long, all for the sake of not rocking the boat. Grrr….

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  4. I hoped his ass moped the floor every single time after that, including when the daycare kids were there. Might as well make himself useful.

    It’s great that you ended with a George Carlin quote. He was a funny man, who kept shit real. I still rewatch his standup to this day on Netflix. I will always be a fan.

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    • He never did much of anything to help. He was the ‘man’ and his job was over when he got home from work…that is when he worked. If he wasn’t working, he didn’t do squat except sit around in my way. I also loved George Carlin. He was hilarious!

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